


Of Friends, we have many. Of Family, we have few.

by Betrayed_Innocence



Series: 13 Reasons Why , Clony Fics [1]
Category: 13 Reasons Why (TV), 13 reasons why - Fandom
Genre: AU, Anal, Angst, Blow Jobs, Depression, First Time Bottoming, Fluff and Smut, GUYS! This is like my first ever fic!, Kissing, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Neck Kissing, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Rape/Non-con Elements, Schizophrenia, Self-Harm, Slow Burn, So much angst, be nice, protective!tony, switching POV, the smut includes:
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-28
Updated: 2018-06-03
Packaged: 2018-12-21 01:55:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 25
Words: 31,116
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11933889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Betrayed_Innocence/pseuds/Betrayed_Innocence
Summary: Clay Jensen is fucking loosing his mind when Hannah commits suicide, Tony made a mistake, he wont make it again.Will they both recover in time, saving themselves through each other?Instead of trying to deal with the deaths of his friends ( Hannah, Jeff and Skye - its an AU) Clay turns to the only thing that can numb him.. Pain.





	1. Mistakes were made.

**Author's Note:**

> Kay guys this is my first ever fic !
> 
> I know right whooo hoooo ^-^ 
> 
> Basically this is just to add context to the rest of the story - you can skip it but please if you do take the time to read it give me tips :3 
> 
> More to come will switch POV with Tony and Clay!!
> 
> I ship clony like hard core so ... that's end goal right there. But we gotta get through Brad and the feels first so..
> 
> here,
> 
> we go. >W<

Of friends, we have many, of family we have few:

**Chapter 1: Tony, Hannah Flashback (can skip)**

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

Hearing a slightly muffled vibration, stirred Tony into waking.

His arm slung across Brad beside him he wriggled onto his side and winced when the blaring light of his phone caught his attention.

Blinking repeatedly to wake himself, the Latino boy picked up his phone from the bedside table and stumbled out of bed. Turning slightly to make sure he hadn’t woken up his partner, then continuing out of the room.

It was Hannah.

‘ _Heya Hannah what can I do for y_ ou’ Tony ventured, mumbling slightly from sleep deprivation.

‘ _I’m sorry for calling you Tony… It’s late I know. I’m so sorry_ ‘

Her broken tone through the speaker sent the man into a state of worry.

‘ _Hey are you alright_?’

A moment of silence.

_‘No.. could you come pick me up… please_? ‘

He could hear the sound of pouring rain in the background.

 

‘ _If it’s not much trouble…_ ’ Hannah continued to mumble out of hearing.

_‘Sure , yeah it’s fine don’t worry yourself, where are you?’_

‘ _Bryce’s_ ’ Was the only reply he got before the line was cut.

‘ _Mierda!’_ Tony cussed at how completely distressed her voiced sounded.

What could she be possibly doing at his?

Entering his room again, the Puerto Rican boy shrugged on; a tee, leather jacket and jeans, quickly kissing his boyfriends sleeping frame and drove his car towards the rich side of town.

Unsure of the state that Hannah was in, he pushed on 60mph at a 50 road. But it was late or early morning so no one cared to notice.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

Pulling up outside the front gates, he quickly swerved to avoid a shrouded figure crouched at the edge of the curb.

 

_‘Carajo’_ he muttered as his passenger door was swung open, and a sopping wet Hannah Baker plummeted onto the seat.

‘ _Drive_ ’ was the only answer Tony got. And that he did.

Looking over at his shivering passenger, he slowed and pulled a comforter from the back of his Mustang and wrapped her tightly in it.

She looked up catching his eyes just for a second before they were fixated at the floor once more.

Was the redness from crying or was it just the lighting?

 

He began to wonder whether he should drive her to the Bakers or maybe perhaps back to his home ... Brad wouldn’t mind, right?

As if she had read his mind, a muffled ‘not home’ escaped her trembling lips.

The drive back was unnervingly silent, the cold seeping into Hannahs’ clothes caused her breathing to become stronger as if gasping for air.

Even with the added warmth of a blanket. As Tony pulled up to the drive he sat and stared at her for a while, hesitant of her ability to be properly functional given the state of things.

However, she opened the car door, swung herself out cautiously and started ambling towards the front porch of the Padilla’s household. Following her in, Tony rested his arm against her elbow and guided her to the ground level bathroom as stairs where not in her favour apparently.

Leaving a towel by the tub, he allowed her the space to have a warm shower and gestured that she should dry her clothes on the radiator. Checking that she would be okay he quickly left the room, as she started undressing.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

When he opened the door to his room Brad was already up, sat on the bed rubbing his bleary eyes.

‘ _What’s going on’_ he asked.

_‘I’m not sure myself but Hannah…,_ ‘

He was given a quizzical look,

‘ _a girl from school needed a pick up, somethings happened but she won’t tell me anything yet.’_

Brads features softened. ‘ _Okay you go stay with her, I need a couple more minutes myself’_

He huffed flopping back onto the mattress.

Staring at his phone, for a few minutes Tony left to go back downstairs and talk to Hannah.

He knocked on the bathroom door before entering, seeing her huddled in the corner did nothing to stave his worry.

She was sat with her back against the bath and head against its rim, dressed only in her leggings and bra whilst she waited for the rest to dry.

 

He shuffled over and sat down next to her, knees drawn up. ‘Wanna talk about it?’

A shaken head was his answer. _’That’s alright’_.

The term companionable silence came to mind but that’s not what it felt like. The silence was deafening and poisonous.

Suddenly, she looks towards the shorter boy, exhaustion and pain etched in her face like a grievous scar.

_‘Tony… you’re the only person that can fix me’_

He looked at her surprised and caught completely off guard.

As the sudden realisation stunned her too.

‘ _But I’m not asking you too’_ she continued.

She leant forward bringing her hands towards her face so they could tangle in her damp hair.

_‘ I need you to make me a promise…_ ’ but Tony was too busy staring in disbelief at her now exposed skin.

 

Angry dark red marks stained her back, handprints that turned purple and orange hues that swirled across her neck, pierced his heart in a way that wrenched his gut completely.

First, he was grief-stricken that she had gone through this, then his pure anger and rage at Bryce Walker (because who else would it be?) flared up taking control of his emotions.

He clenched his fists.

 

As if sensing his stare, she twisted to glare at him grabbing at his collar and repeating with more force.

‘ _Fucking promise me Tony Padilla that a. no one finds out about this_ ‘ gesturing between the both of them ‘ _and b… ‘_

Her face calmed and became slightly contemplative her grip on his jacket slackened.

‘ _b… if I ever leave here, this place, this life hell I don’t know, you will look after Clay Jensen, ‘cause you know Helmet… he won’t take it too well, just promise me that you will always be there for him like I couldn’t.’_

Tony stuttered, _‘of course I promise Hannah but you’re gonna be okay we can sort this out right, there’s no need for you to leave town.’_

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

Of course Tony hadn’t completely understood Hannah’s pessimism for her future.

Completely astounded with how broken she seemed to be at that moment.

Feeling like she over stayed her welcome, and against Tony’s plea to stay he drove her back home after she profusely assured him that she would be okay.

That was until the tapes and then Tony had a hell of a lot more reason to feel guilty and overburdened for.

 

He thought she would have been okay. But he guessed that was why he was chosen to keep Hannah’s secret because he kept it before.

How wrong he was.

He could’ve done something, he should’ve told someone, all of these what if’s, should of and could of’s.

Leaving nothing but a bad taste in his mouth.

 

And yet here he was standing near the edge of a cliff that Clay Jensen was trying to jump off.

Emotionally distressed after listening to his own fucking tape and wanting to join Hannah.

Feeling like he’s failed Hannah all over again.

His ‘I promise’ didn’t seem so strong anymore.


	2. You can’t love someone back to life, but you can try

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clay Jensen is suffering from Schizophrenia but no-one least of all Tony Padilla needs to know about it.
> 
> Just major, major angst and a lot of hurt, so sit tight.  
> This shits gonna get bumpy >W<
> 
> Cause heck they're both gonna be feeling not great after this :3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp 2 chapters.
> 
> I'm on a roll ^-^
> 
> Hope you guys like it. Tony's is next.

You can't love someone back to life, but you can try.

Chapter 2: Clay

Many weeks had passed, perhaps months since the tapes.

Clay could no longer keep track of time. Since the heartbreak, the hopelessness of the situation and people were moving on…

It had been a while since Clay resolved to get his own justice for those that pushed Hannah to suicide.

A while since Tylers’ photo, a while since the trials which proved the school at fault and that Bryce Walker was an identified rapist with only a spot on his record and no time in Juvie because of his rich well to do parents.

As well as his achievements in sport and the fact he only had a few months left as a senior.

And how that annoyed Clay so, fucking… much.

Learning along the way how people truly are underneath their High School masks did nothing to ease his paranoia of people. 

It had been some weeks, since Skye had taken a family trip to Vancouver to see distant relatives.

Getting away, an escape from the town in which she worked.

It took even longer for people to realize she wasn’t coming back.

An avalanche they said, complete freak accident that it did co-inside with their ski trip, it was on the news.

But Skye would’ve known thought Clay, she could’ve read her cards and seen.

 

Life has not been fair for the students at Liberty High.

He lay staring at the ceiling wondering what life would be like if he wasn’t there either.

It would be better he supposed, the kids at school would no longer hate him, his parents no longer had to keep fretting over their ‘melodramatic son’ who had to take his meds and keep his door open.

Just so they could keep checking up on him.

Tony could move on and be with Brad, because he knew that their relationship was being strained because of his constant intervention.

Not that he meant to, but Tony was the only person he had left.

That sent a twinge to his stomach, knowing full well that himself and the Latino boy became so close through the tapes and suddenly any day without him felt even more unbearable.

Try as he might to push him away

. ~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

They were all gone.

Technically.

But physically, Clay knew that he wasn’t moving on when he kept seeing Hannah every day, talking to her, every day.

Then Jeff, then Skye.

It felt as if he were never alone, though, when they appeared, he could pretend that they never died.

He knew this was an unhealthy coping mechanism but damn if he didn’t like to know that they were still close and he could just feel complete for once.

If he were to admit it to himself, Clay had Schizophrenia but no, he doesn’t need to talk about that.

Clay fucking Jensen doesn’t ‘do’ talking about his emotions.

He reminded himself.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~ 

Hearing a monotonous bleep coming from his desk, he knew it was time to get ready for school.

 

He felt so empty yet so heavy.

His limbs didn’t want to work.

Didn’t want to move.

And yet he found himself not that much later, outside un-chaining his bike ready for the day ahead.

Forgoing breakfast, the taller boy keeps forgetting to eat, paring with his inability to sleep.

It won’t be long before his parents catch on.

He felt like those zombies off the Walking Dead. Who had instead learnt to ride a bicycle instead of eat people.

He biked to school without being hit, unfortunately.

And pulled up to chain his bike, when the purr of a Mustang sounded from behind him. He quickly grabbed his shit and stalked inside of the building, not wanting or rather not ready for any conversations that he would have with Tony.

He headed straight towards his locker. Passing Hannah as he did so. _‘Morning Helmet’_

He didn’t need to turn around to know she was there, it was just a presence but he relished in her liveliness and ability to brighten his day, even though she wasn’t real.

Obviously.

But who cares?

 

He wore the day with a false smile and an even more untruthful attitude towards everything in his life.

Zoning out in his classes was the easiest thing Clay had ever done in his life, wishing to be elsewhere.

Wishing to feel.

Wanting to be able to fill the emptiness that sat when Hannah, Jeff and Skye had gone.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

Lunch brought Tony.

The fabulous, suffocating, unhelpful yoda that was Tony.

Decked in his usual, leather jacket, slicked back hair, and tight trousers that all reminded the taller boy of home…

Wait home?

No he was just a friend.

Clay was sat in his usual spot, where Hannah and Skye were in front of him and Jeff to the left conversing amongst themselves, he never felt alone but Clay knew to others he was very... very much alone.

‘ _Hey Clay’_

Tony’s voiced sounded over the hubbub of the Cafeteria.

The man in question raised his head and nodded in response.

Tony chose to sit where Hannah is, was, she disappeared as did the rest of them.

Knowing that nothing much was going to come out of the conversation the Puerto Rican boy decided to just sit and eat through lunch as Clay made no attempt, **at all** , to communicate.

The sullen silence was only punctuated by the end of lunch and they both parted to go to their last periods.

They didn’t have this one together thank god.

He knew it was unfair to treat the shorter boy like this but Clay had nothing to say and anything like small talk felt like chewing a chunk of chalk in his mouth.

And who would want that?

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

When school ended he made to go and stuff his unneeded belongings in his locker when Skye warned him _‘Here comes trouble’_.

He looked around to see Tony, picking his way through the throng of students to get to him.

_‘ Hey Clay would you want a lift back’_

Also code word for I’m worried about you please talk to me.

Clay couldn’t care less, if he could care at all but feelings were irrelevant to him now that he couldn’t feel anything.

Which was both poetic and kinda sad.

 

‘ _Go with him you two should start talking more, you need to open up to someone at some point’_

Jeff’s voice sounded from behind him always the social butterfly even in death thought Clay.

Clay resisted the urge to turn around and instead raised his eyebrows at the comment.

He nodded hoping that Tony wouldn't question his awkward behaviour.

He collected his bike, stuffed it in the trunk.

And was about to clamber on inside, when a voice called to him from another car.

**Bryce’s car.**

‘ _Hey Jensen, wait up a minute’_

Both Tony and Clay froze as Bryce casually walked up towards the Mustang, the shorter of the too being a lot more wary and defensive of this unexpected encounter, stole a quick glance at Clay.

‘ _What do you want Bryce?_ ’

Clay indignantly spat out.

_‘I need to talk to you’_

was the only answer that Bryce gave, gesturing towards his Merc hoping for some unknown reason that Clay Fucking Jensen - the one that managed to get his confession as part of the evidence his mum used in court against the rapist would want to go with him.

But he wasn’t Clay Jensen anymore.

He turned looked at Tony, who stood looking stunned.

And left, with Bryce in tow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Omg =^-^= 
> 
> what's Bryce gonna do? ,... '-' .-.
> 
> and Tony's chapter is next lets see how he reacts.. 
> 
> And how's his relationship with Brad is going?


	3. Envy is the creation of destruction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony's relationship with Brad has been strained, since the tapes
> 
> He wants to console Clay and make his relationship work
> 
> But he's left to choose between them again.
> 
> And Clay is definitely not okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kay so guys I got another one for you!  
> ^-^
> 
> Clays is gonna be out in a bit today I hope
> 
> Dun dun dun 
> 
> Shits gonna happen.  
> Because its Bryce. >W<

**Envy is the creation of destruction**

Chapter 3: Tony

_(Can skip but let’s see his and Brads’ relationship deteriorate) casue why not? =^-^=_

-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^

Tony wasn’t sleeping well, he knew this because of his nightmares.

Stuck in limbo between Hannah and him by the tub and Clay Jensen at the edge of the cliff.

He knew he couldn’t save either of them, and in the end his choice never mattered anyway as her wrists bled out even with him applying pressure and Clay fell no matter what he said to console the tortured boy.

Who’s sickening crack of their body signified that he toppled over the edge and hurtled to his death below.

Then to look back and see that his body was contorted floating next to Hannah’s, neck evidently broken, limbs completely twisted.

What was worse was the fact that they both looked in pain, even though they were dead.

And Tony could no longer look at their bodies, as his tears streamed down his face, like the murky brown water overflowing the tub.

Gasping awake, too paralyzed to move.

-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^

Throughout the releases of the tapes Tony had Brad to console him, even still the larger man had no idea of the nature of the situation.

Only that it gave the Latino boy nightmares after a friend he knew committed suicide.

After their road trip with Skye those many weeks ago, the tension felt apparent between them.

Clay riding shotgun didn’t appeal at all to his partner.

A relationship built upon Jealousy and Envy.

How was that meant to stand?

The point was, it wasn’t and that’s what scared Tony the most was losing yet another person in their dwindling family.

‘I promise’

He had promised to keep Clay safe through the Tapes, Hannah knew he wouldn’t have taken it well.

She was right.

Of course, Tony couldn’t be there for his classmate, his friend all the time.

Having the decision to choose between the two of them made it clear that Tony was no longer infatuated with his boyfriend Brad.

As he watched from a distance, sometime after Skye had passed, Clay grew cold and his eyes were no longer full of anything.

Really.

They just looked so empty.

Wanting to console his friend, most days than not he would wait by the Jensens’ house offering to take Clay to school.

And usually back too.

Today was not that kinda day, because of his lack of sleep he ironically slept in.

The lack of nightmares this time he was grateful for, he assumed they would diminish in time.

Knowing that the taller boy would have already biked to school, he jumped into his Mustang and sped to the other side of town.

-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^

Pulling up into his parking space, he noticed Clay chaining up his bike.

The tension in his shoulders suggested that he had noticed Tony’s presence but choose instead to walk into the building.

This is getting worse, he thought to himself.

But how bad had it really got?

He was going to fix this today.

They shared little periods together, and of those Clay didn’t once raise his head around the classroom.

Barely scribing words or maths calculus into his pages, choosing to stare at the wall or his text book.

When bell sounded for lunch Tony packed up and left wanting to find Clay as quickly as possible, try to talk to him.

He found him all right.

Situated on the Cafeteria table that used to house himself, Hannah, Skye, Clay and sometimes even Jeff.

Was he smiling?

That couldn’t be a bad sign…

Tony pushed back his slicked hair, on a nervous impulse and strode over to the table.

_‘Hey Clay’_

His voiced raised the head in question and all that was answered, was a nod in his direction.

Sitting opposite the taller boy, he frowned when the peaceful expression he saw just moments ago was shattered.

Was it him?

Seeing that conversation wasn’t going to happen at this point, Tony choose to eat in silence.

Stealing glances at his friend across the table, he saw Clays head in a book but his eyes weren’t flitting around its pages.

He assumed that he wasn’t reading it then.

Not knowing how to approach the subject of _‘hey how are you doing?_ ’ the Latino boy decided that his best bet was to talk to Clay alone, get him out of town for a couple of days.

He would offer him a ride home.

Their silence, aside from the schools’ café was broken when bell sounded yet again for their last periods.

Knowing that he didn’t share this one with Clay, brought disappointment as he couldn’t keep an eye on his best friend.

-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^

Last period came and went, he no longer marked down the time passing on his pages.

Choosing instead to do the work that was set and hoped that the time passed quickly.

It somewhat did.

As he filtered out with the rest of his class he headed for Lockers, hoping that Clay would still be there.

He was.

‘ _Hey Clay, would you want a ride home?_ ‘

He looked at the larger boy hoping for a verbal response this time so he had an idea of how well Clay was doing.

Instead he got an eyebrow raise…

He usually offered to drive, so why was this surprising to him.

As if reading his thoughts, he nodded.

Brad would have to forgo Monet’s today.

It still hurt to see the new barista they hired in to replace Skye.

Even the Brujas’ death affected him more than he let on.

After the year of loss and heartbreak he wished nothing but peace after the shit storm they had been through.#

 

Time to heal, lick old wounds clean.

For Clay to be himself again.

Walking outside and around to pick up the boys’ bike, he stuffed it in his trunk.

Familiar with the repeated action.

Done so many times before.

He was going to get something out of him, if not today soon.

Tony couldn’t let his best friend suffer in silence.

About to climb in, a voice chimed from behind him.

**Bryce’s.**

_‘Hey Jensen wait up’_

He briefly looked towards Clay who had stopped entering the car and appeared beside him.

The conversation that followed shook Tony.

He stood utterly confused, that the taller boy was planning to ditch him.

**For Bryce?**

He was well and truly very aware now that Clay Jensen was not okay.

And Tony needed to do something before either of them got hurt.

He saw the both walk away, choosing to wait this one out and probably follow Bryce.

Just to make sure.

Until his phone sounded.

It was Brad.

_'Monet’s now. Important stuff. Need to talk to you._

The texts read.

Not wanting to leave Clay in peril and at the mercy of Bryce but at the same time wanting to commit to his boyfriend.

Left Tony with that choice again.

The same as in his dreams.

His nightmares. He would be gone for what 15 minutes tops?

Clay could handle himself, right?

And anyway, Brad said ‘Important’.

He climbed into his beauty and sped in the direction of Monet’s hoping that everything would be okay.

Hoping that he didn’t make the wrong decision to leave.

Again.

Hoping that Clay Jensen would be okay.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it 
> 
> Please comment and leave Kudos so I know I'm doing a good job for my first work 
> 
> =^-^=
> 
> thanks guys <3 you :3


	4. The Best things in life always hurt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clay goes with Bryce completely and utterly devoid of anything that used to be Clay
> 
> but what happens leaves him more scarred and mentally fragile than ever before
> 
> even Hannah, Skye and Jeff leaves him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Warning those explicit signs and tags count for this chapter, 
> 
> I’m sorry but ive been wanting to write this angsty/ hurt bit for ever.
> 
> If you wanna do it right you gotta do it yourself sometimes :3
> 
> Good Luck Xx

The Best things in life always hurt

**Chapter 4: Clay**

^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^

 

 _‘Clay what the fuck are you doing_ ‘

Hannah sounded indignantly, with affirmative tones from both Skye and Jeff.

He ignored them.

Instead hopping into Bryce’s car turning to see that Tony had already left anyway.

He didn’t really care then if he was choosing to be elsewhere.

If he cared enough he would have advised against it, too right?

Clay didn’t feel like Clay at all.

Just a shell, a husk.

With a brain somewhere floating about in some kind of liquid, either shut down or asleep until a reboot was done.

He knew it was because of the lack of sleep.

The nightmares. His schizophrenia.

An ache pulsed where his scar was still healing on his forehead, subsequently itching it. Causing it to peal again.

He could hear Bryce beside him muttering away. And then the Mercedes was moving gone from school. To where Clay assumed they would go back to the rapists’ house.

He was correct.

^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^

He glanced in the rear-view mirror to see the concerned face of the trio sat behind him, murmuring how this was the worst idea he’s ever had.

If he didn’t know any better Clay would have thought that his consciousness was put into these 3 people.

Drawing up outside his manor – manor was a better word or pent house either way it was too fancy to just be a home. Bryce opened the door to let Clay inside. Closing it behind him, he gestured to the front room where not long-ago Clay had gotten a confession from the rapist whilst subsequently beaten the shit out of as well.

He stood central to the room when Bryce passed him, striding over to the decanter left of the wall and pouring out a couple of thimbles of scotch with glasses already placed there. Handing one to Clay he began to talk.

‘ _I brought you hear to apologise’_

The smaller boy looked surprised at the emotion shown on Bryce’s (actually) sincere face.

He continued

‘ _Well for quite a lot of things, I know you won’t forgive me for what I did too Jessica and Hannah but I’m sorry for beating the shit out of you nonetheless_. ‘

He shot back his scotch waiting for Clay to do the same.

^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^

 

A big mistake was made.

Clay drank the scotch, surprised that it tasted slightly different than anything previous with definitely an added salt component he thought. Wincing when it burnt the back of his throat.

A toothy grin flashed at him from across the room as Bryce stepped closer.

He repeated. _‘I am sorry for kicking the crap out of you, but it was only because I was angry that I couldn’t have you too…’_

His words faded from memory as Clay began to stumble on his feet.

Feeling gravity weigh him down a hell of a lot more than was usual. Not catching any meaning of his words until the cold hard floor hit him when he realised he had made a mistake.

_‘Jesus Christ you’re such a lightweight Jensen’_

The looming face of Bryce Walker clouded his view.

All kinds of fuzzy.

^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^

 

He felt himself being lifted and strung over a shoulder.

Bouncing whenever a step was reached.

He passed out for a while, knowing only that his stomach was protesting wildly. Something he ate, something he drank…

When the foggy haze lifted he was sat knees drawn up to his chest facing the head board of what he thought could have been Bryce’s bed.

Oh shit, he thought to himself.

Hannah was in front of him back to the headboard and a sullen, sad expression stained her face as if she knew what was going to happen. Of course she knew what was going to happen. Bryce had raped her before. This was what was happening.

Clay was going to be raped.

And he could do nothing.

Tony wasn’t here.

Tony couldn’t help.

But he had tried.

The boys’ side gave a twinge when thinking of how tony would react if he knew what was about to happen, if he was here. If he saw…

Struggling to move he found his arms tied with a length of rope to the metal frame.

Bare naked with exception to his socks.

Wanting to move his legs, which had cramped with pins and needles, he pushed back only to find solid meaty hands grab him and push him back to his original position.

Struggling to speak with a gag in his mouth, he tasted the scotch from earlier, knowing that was the worst decision he had made during his life so far.

Who knew when it was going to end though?

_‘Thank god you’re finally awake, I didn’t want to take you if you were unconscious, ‘cause that would be just wrong wouldn’t it Jensen’_

He heard the slap on his backside before he painfully felt the sharp sting.

Clay yelped in surprise even if it was muffled anyway.

_‘I did the honour of prepping you earlier though so no need to mince words right?’_

The sarcasm was visibly dripping from his mouth, Clay could already imagine the smirk on his face when suddenly his breathing stopped.

 

The head of Bryce’s cock probed at the entrances to Clay’s hole, already slicked and dripping with lube. He could feel the silicon of the condom rub against his rear.

Adjusting his position, Bryce grabbed hold of Clays left shoulder nails digging in hard, whilst his other arm was firmly wrapped around his torso, the constriction guaranteed to leave bruises.

The smaller boy tensed.

This was it.

He couldn’t do anything but bleakly stare at Hannah as she looked softly at him.

Seeing no way out she simply supplied,

_‘relax Hemet it’ll hurt a lot less… just relax’_

Spoken from experience.

But Clay couldn’t, how the hell could he?

He gripped onto his bindings hard, breathing rapidly and harshly through his nose.

 

With one jerk of Bryce’s arms and a harsh thrust he bottomed out in clay Jensen, who screamed through the pain.

Sobbing into the mattress.

_‘I didn’t say I prepared you very well’_

Countered Bryce.

He began to shallowly thrust into Clays frame.

^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^

 

Cock sliding in halfway before being retracted and pushed back in with more force.

Clay didn’t know what was more humiliating, the fact that he was being raped by Bryce Walker, who had already defiled one of his friends or the fact that said friend Hannah was sat watching him. Comforting him through the pain.

The thrusts became harder and more forceful, tearing his way into the lanky boy. The grip on his shoulder increasing, then moving to his neck. Stopping his airway completely.

Clay could feel a warm liquid slide down his thighs before he realised that it was his own blood. Causing him even greater agony. His whimpers and pleas fell on deaf ears, as Bryce continued to pummel into him with deeper jabs.

Easing the pressure on his neck, Clay took a shaky breath.

Pressing in at a different angle the rapist brushed against a bundle of nerves that Clay had only learnt about in biology, causing him to moan long and loud into his gag. His own cock twitched in appreciation, perking upwards, as Bryce kept aiming for that spot.

And succeeding.

‘ _Seems like someone’s enjoying this after all aren’t they’_

Bryce’s voice sounded into his ear having laid bare across the smaller boys back, the arm around his waist moving to stroke Clay’s cock.

Involuntarily twitching, enjoying the attention his prick hardened against his stomach, as he continued to moan around the cloth between his teeth.

No, No no, this isn’t right he thought.

His body was betraying him, this shouldn’t be right.

As if sensing his discomfort, Hannah reminded him

‘ _Clay it’s okay it’s a natural bodily function, it doesn’t mean anything…_ ’

She continued to reassure the teen but to no avail.

Clay Jensen hated himself, his body, his weakness.

Guilt.

Shame.

Embarrassment.

^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^

 

He wouldn’t last much longer under Bryce’s touch.

His hand roughly skating up and twisted down Clay’s member pre-come lubricating it. Whilst the senior above him continued to thrust into his abused hole. A few minutes passed and Bryce ejaculated into his condom, hips thrusting wildly and erratically causing clay to tip over the edge too.

Coming over Bryce’s hand and bed sheets.

He looked up, teary and bleary-eyed expecting to see Hannah but she too had left him.

All alone.

The figure above him pulled out leaving his gaping hole to trickle the remnants of his harsh entry.

Bryce left to clean himself up once he untied his victim, and shot into the bathroom for a shower, not caring for the boy he besmirched bleeding onto his bed. Clay stood with shaking legs, that quivered with each step the pain shooting from his behind.

 

He pulled on the clothes he could find, careful not to tear himself anymore and stumbled down the stairs out of the house and into the street. His pack resting on his back, he pulled out his phone to see missed calls and text. From none other than Tony Padilla.

It was nearing dusk.

Clay Jensen painfully shuffled down the street, hating his body, hating himself even more with every step.

No one would know about this, that Clay Jensen had been raped by the man that had also raped the girl that he loved and lost.

Hannah was still nowhere to be seen. Gone with Jeff and Skye. Clay felt even more alone than he ever had been without his Schizophrenic created friends.

He made it home. Broken, beaten, and abused.

Calling sick, the next morning so he didn’t have to face Bryce.

 

Or Tony…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So tell me >W<
> 
> How was it?
> 
> This is my first ever porn w/o plot technically I'm sorry it had to be a rape *-*
> 
> next is Tony's we see him with Brad it's gonna be shorter cause this one was longer :3
> 
> Sorry for the feels oops
> 
> <3 please comment to say what you want to see more of xD


	5. Worry and Disarray cause more Confusion and Stress than Math

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony feels as though he's made a mistake again.
> 
> But how can he fix it if he doesn't know anything?
> 
> Brad reveals that their relationship isn't as finite as 1st thought
> 
> Sheri warns Tony that he is a bad friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Clay next its probs gonna be super longer than anything else, because it will be over a couple of weeks.
> 
> Don't worry there is basically no more Brad anymore so we can work on the Clony!

Worry and Disarray cause more confusion and stress than Math

**Chapter 5 Tony:**

_(can skip of course but it takes a while to write so I would appreciate it if u did read it xD)_

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

The Latino boy quickly recovered from his monumental decision when he made it to Monet’s seeing the state that Brad was in caused his heart to burst its seems.

Sitting himself opposite the taller man, Tony reached out and grabbed his partners hand, unsure of the circumstances that brought such a pained face to his lovers’ eyes.

Already before him was his favourite order a Brazilian dark roasted coffee. Staring down into its muddy depths he wondered if he had made the right decision after all.

Brad started talking;

_‘We know this hasn’t exactly been the easiest relationship…’_

Tony’s head shot up, looking at Brad for more conformation as to where this was going.

‘ _You’ll be going into senior year soon_ ’ He reminded the shorter boy.

_‘And I’ve finished collage…I have been offered a few places at different Uni’s all out of state, so I’ll probably find a flat if I settle on one. Which means Tony Padilla we either try long distance or spend the rest of our weeks together, without trying at all._ ’

Having said his piece Brad let out a long breath waiting for the response he assumed would be sad or maybe even angry, at how he was giving up so easily on their relationship. But they both knew it was also the unspoken name in the room Clay Jensen that came to mind, as a failing in their connection. Knowing that Brad had thought this through and evidently, they both knew long distance wouldn’t work Tony raised his coffee cup towards his… his what now? Temporary boyfriend? Great, it was enjoyable whilst it lasted, Tony couldn’t deny but Brad had all the traits in a boyfriend with his caring personality, so much patience and loyalty.

But it had been rocky, why? Clay Jensen was the answer that his brain prompted him.

_‘To the next few weeks’_ They both agreed. Yes, it hurt to be separating this way but it was for the best, it had been heading this way all along he guessed.

Turning back to the days’ news, as if nothing had happened.

 _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

Later on they were interrupted by Sheri; who had swung by their table on her way out. They hadn't realised she was there to begin with.

_'Heya Tony could I steal you for a moment....sorry'_

She said directing her last word at Brad, as if she had interrupted a Presidential meeting.

_‘Sure what can I do for ya?’_ He replied. Unusual for an encounter with Sheri who he never normally talked to outside of school.

Unsure of how to broach the subject she merely barrelled at him’ _‘Do you have any idea how Clay is doing?_ ’ Her words were slightly laced with anger which surprised Tony for Sheri wasn’t usually spiteful. He looked over at Brad whose jaw was stiffened with the mention of Clays’ name.

‘ _Um… well you know he’s still working through some things since Hannah , that have really taken a toll on him, just a little distant I suppose, I was going to check up on him later though… Why?’_

Her face seemed a little surprised, at the mention of checking up on him later as if he had no idea she had seen him with Bryce. Wanting to remind him of that fact; _‘You did seem him leave with Bryce, right?’_ His nod confirmed it. _‘And yet you didn’t even both to stop him!’_ She sounded disturbed that he would allow a friend to do something like that.

_‘Well he is his own person Sheri if that’s what he wanted to do there’s no reason for me to go against it’_ She stood staring at him a little longer then flicked her eyes angrily towards Brad, and flicking back assumedly talking to them both.

‘ _His so called “ **Friend** ” is in a rapist’s house, and you Tony Padilla are the only person he has or **had** left to consider a friend think about that, he won’t the rest are **dead** and he blames himself!_ ’

Stomping of distraught, angry, and highly-strung Sheri left Monet’s.

Leaving Tony with a lot to think about. Whilst Brad just looked at him incredulously.

_‘You left him with a rapist? She has a point._ ’ Hung in the air but Brad didn’t voice it allowed, already knowing that Tony felt immeasurably guilty, about making the wrong decision to leave his friend with that monster.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

Leaving, he texted and phoned the man in question to no avail. Deciding to swing by the Jensen’s house on the way home to make sure everything was okay, doubt clouding his mind. Wondering if Clay had somehow been hurt, would Bryce do that? I mean his mum was working the case against him, it would just give her more material to use in court…

Knocking on their door, Brad seated Shotgun in Tony’s Mustang waiting.

Lainie answered and confirmed that yes he was back home, and no nothing seemed out of the ordinary. Feeling some slight relief, he asked to see Clay however she had mentioned that he had fallen ill and wouldn’t be going to school the next day, now just in bed asleep she didn't want for him to be woken. This raised some concern for Tony. Had something happened? Wouldn’t Clay tell him otherwise?

Thinking he better leave it until Clay came to school, he parted before leaving the boy’s bicycle. Driving home Tony had a fixated notion that something wasn’t right, not knowing whether to go and physically see for himself that he was okay or knowing when to give the guy some space and let him tell in his own time, bugged the crap out of the Puerto Rican.

This was a new feeling.

Helplessness. And he wasn’t sure that he liked it.

Similar to when Clay was stood near the edge of that cliff and Tony felt like he couldn’t do anything to stop the tragedy unfolding in front of him.

He was going to have nightmares tonight.

Brad could sense his unease, drawing the shorter boy into a firm embrace once they had reach the Padillas’ house, doing little to console him as he knew words had really no effect.

But the love they had shared, communication through touch to show emotions and feelings was how Tony could express himself. Something that Brad had picked up on quite early.

They stayed like that for a while knowing it wouldn’t last.

But glad for the moments that they had shared with one another.

Without the drama or anxiety that was caused when Clay fucking Jensen was involved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave Kudos and Comments its how I know I'm doing a good job kay?
> 
> >W<
> 
> <3


	6. Stars shine bright, but they are dead lights in the universe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clay discovers his outlet;
> 
> Even though Skye told him it would be hard to cover. Wanting to feel something else the teen takes matters into his own hands...  
> Or rather a razor...
> 
> *Warnings Apply; If you are triggered by thoughts of Self-Harm and in general mental illness then don't continue to read this.
> 
> or if you're like me and you don't care even if you do suffer from it please continue
> 
> :3  
> <3 Xxx

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is where we start getting into the angst :P
> 
> Finally ! xD
> 
> I said I would alternate but the next ones gonna be Clay too... I think unless I can fit a tiny bit of Tony in?
> 
> Maybe, we'll see.... :3

Stars shine bright, but they are dead lights in the universe

**Chapter 6: Clay,**

‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-’-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-

Clay had managed to get home in record time, considering the state he was in.

Confiding in his mum that he felt awful – which was true- and wished to be left alone with the likely hood that he wouldn’t be going to school tomorrow. Surprisingly she agreed, allowing him to go upstairs and rest peacefully without interruption.

 

He felt exhausted, drained, and so fucking unclean and dirty that no matter how hard he scrubbed himself Bryce’s finger imprints wouldn’t go away.

The feeling of him still being inside of the boy terrified Clay.

When he dried off and delicately collapsed on his bed his skin was rubbed red raw, particular-areas were grazed and bleeding because of his meticulous attentions. The pain numbing his thoughts on what had just occurred. Watching as the droplets of blood formed above the layer of skin, congealing, and running down his arms.

Having fallen asleep, no nightmares plagued him of which he was grateful for, as the undisturbed rest allowed him to process what had happened.

Tony was going to ask the nature of Bryce’s encounter, clearly.

He would tell him of the apology and nothing else.

Technically being truthful and still retaining his friendship without the added knowledge that Tony knew of his rape, and could have been there to have stopped it from happening entirely.

Of all the knowledge in the world that Clay knew about Tony, it was that a guilty conscience was one that stayed with the shorter boy for a long, long while. 

Not wanting to add onto his friends emotional distress Clay locked up everything to do with his "Feelings", hoping that he was saving Tony from the hurt as well.

‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-’-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-

 

A couple of days passed this way when he eventually had enough strength to face going back to school and class.

Tony gave him a lift immediately addressing his absence and what had happened when he left for Bryce’s.

‘ _All that happened Tony was that he apologised to me, and nothing else; saying he knows I won’t forgive him for what he did to Hannah and Jessica, probably for pummelling my face into his carpet as well but that he wanted to clear his guilty conscience or some shit’_

 Hoping that the answer would suffice to stall Tony's questioning, in case it went to far.

 

Clay gritted his teeth, through Tony’s line of questioning knowing it was only out of adoration for the taller boy that made him worry so. No matter how frustrating it was to sit through.

 _‘Why were you off for a couple days then?_ ’ Came his retort. And to that Clay had to stop and think about his response.

_‘I hadn’t been sleeping well, I was catching up’_

Of which that was true too, and it also revealed a little of what was going on as he acted on Jeff’s advice to “open up” a little more. Tony met his friends gaze a look of understanding passing his features,

‘ _you know you can talk to me Clay, right? About all this and what’s spinning around up there’_ he poked at Clays’ head, 

’ _because I know you’re not being truthful with me, even Sheri asked if you were okay, seeing you leave with Bryce shook us up, not really knowing what was going on’_

 

He paused for thought.

 _‘Don’t leave me in the dark anymore Clay. I can’t lose you too’_ He whispered almost so the other could quite hear, but the message was clear.

And all that Clay could think was; 

you already have.

‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-’-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-

His grade were dropping.

The school noticed,

His parents noticed. But clay couldn’t be bothered anymore. Fluttering around like a ghost, barely looking alive to those that noticed. He kept to himself mainly, wanting only for the presence of Hannah, Skye and Jeff who had re-appeared when he went back to Liberty High.

Trying to avoid Bryce as well and some how succeeding. 

 

One afternoon, alone in the Library, head burrowed into a Historical text about Pharos or some shit, Clay realised he needed an outlet. Something to pass the time while he was awake at night, unable to sleep, unable to **Stop Thinking**. To release all the emotions, he was constantly piling onto himself.

It was crushing the amount of weight he felt. Looking upwards, he caught Skye’s attention. She was sat in front of him, holding a deck of Tarot Cards. The ones she had used during Clay’s reading, all that time ago. As if reading his mind, she stared down at her wrists, itching the cracked and engraved skin. Noticeable lines of her self- harm scars were evident trailing down the length of her fore-arms.

 _‘Yes Clay, it was a vent for my emotions, unhealthy and painful … but that was the point.’_ She answered his question with a wounded expression, sharp and to the point, one of the many reasons Clay like her...Had liked her.

_‘I would stop you, but I can’t do anything not really aside from talk you out of it, I would say confide in Tony but I know that you won’t ...at least not yet’ She had hoped_

__

__

_‘but it’s difficult to hide scars Clay, someone will eventually, always notice'_.

She felt down trodden at the fact that she knew how much the boy was suffering but being unable to do anything she could only watch alongside Jeff and Hannah, seeing him downgrade until eventually...

There would be nothing left of Clay Jensen end-of. 

‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-’-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-

Sitting alone in the dark, Clay contemplated how it would feel to be hurting himself this way.

It made sense that the damage done to his body could barely equal the amount of trauma circling around like a Carousel in his brain, and for some instinctual reason he felt like the two needed to be equalled out.

As if his mental instability, didn’t reflect how much pain he felt on the outside as it did inside. Wanting to balance them both, having a reason to hurt the way he did because his body would be bleeding, scaring and burning on the outside like it felt in his head. Feeling like it would help to hurt, he drew the razors up to his arms and sliced quickly over the pale skin.

Thin lines became exposed and formed, then splitting apart, revealing drops of blood, the sting occurring a lot later than its appearance.

 

Staring down at the lines he had carved into his body, he could focus on nothing else.

It was peaceful and intimate he guessed.

Suddenly realising how very fragile the human body was, how very breakable, even with the strength of the skeletal system supporting and protecting your vital organs. How they could easily break, snap and fracture. Loosing himself in the action he continued to slice and dice at both his arms, for being too weak to defend himself against Bryce.

Then his legs, for not running quickly enough to save Jeff.

His chest and abdomen for the hurt that he felt when Hannah was ripped away from him. And Skye who he had lost before knowing that she was actually gone. For the ones that he wanted to hurt the most for were deeper and harsher, the blood seeming to ooze out of his every pour, at the same rate his tears were falling.

He felt woozy and light headed, the loss of blood forcing him to be lower to the ground. Head in his hands, he rocked back and forth as the blood was slowly beginning to dry against his body and slightly staining patches of his carpet, he felt the ghost of a hand circle across his back. Turning to see Hannah, sat on his bed teary-eyed too with matching cuts down her arms from the way she died, hurting alongside her friend.

 

After some time had passed, she got up and walked to the dresser.

 

As he stood to follow her, his legs faulted and wobbled, shaking violently, unsure of how to fully support himself after its absolute ruin. Eventually succeeding in toppling towards her. She helped to clean him up and made sure that the cuts wouldn’t become infected the next morning, he finally collapsed in bed, with her beside him fading quickly into a deep slumber. 

‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-’-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-

 

One thing Skye hadn’t mentioned, was how it fucking stings like hell when you have a shower, every part of his body felt on fire until the warmth numbed the pain and some of the globules of blood washed away. Moving to put his clothes on became a struggle when every tight-fitting material rubbed against the angry sores, inflaming them. Apart from that his every day clothing allowed him to cover everything…

Except…

_‘Shit! … Fuck…’_

Clay had totally forgotten he had Gym today, changing in the lockers, with other people, with Tony, seeing…

‘ _Harder than you thought, right Helmet?’_ Hannah,

_‘I did warn you that it wasn’t going to be easy’_ Skye, 

_‘You need to talk to Tony about this Clay until it gets too bad’_ And lastly Jeff's words of wisdom. 

Respectively announcing how Clay had yet again failed in his fucked up life, the trio stood behind him, whilst Clay was looking in the mirror adjusting his unruly bed hair.

‘ _It’s fine’_ he explained to them cooly, _‘I’ll just skip Gym… It’s not really that much of an important class anyway_.’

Just then Tony pulled up outside, sounding his Mustang to let the taller boy know he was there. Grabbing his stuff and barrelling downstairs he flashed his Mum a genuine smile (he supposed that's what it looked like to her) and kissed her on the cheek, grabbing the paper bag- she had prepared- for his lunch and hurrying out the door to his awaiting chauffer, piloted by his very hot friend…

 

Since when did he find Tony attractive?

 _‘Forever’_ the guys answered in unison, responding to his obviously stupid question.

Unsure of how to process that information he swung into Tony’s awesome beauty, wincing when he chaffed his legs on the side of the seat.

For some reason, it was easier to be happy, knowing that you weren’t… Just to please everyone else into thinking that you were fine… The logic in that statement astounded Clay but the truth rang beside it. He was going to act like the “Normal Clay Jensen” without having to be him. And that appealed to the taller boy.

Seeing his look of pain when sitting down, Tony immediately panicked but when his friend turned to look at him, he was smiling a big bright Clay Jensen smile. That he had missed for oh so fucking long.

Immediately forgetting his pre-existing notion that he was in pain.

Knowing that it had taken a while for the boy to bounce back he assumed that this was the up he had been waiting for.

 

But Clay Jensen was very good at acting...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Personally, this was really hard to write because identifying feelings and reasons for Self-Harm (depression in general) is difficult when you have been doing it for some time and its hard to think of just one answer when there are many that come to mind, but you don't know how to illiterate it (talk about it to people who have never come into contact with the mental illness themselves).
> 
> This is only based-ish I think?? :3 from part of my experience, I know its different for everyone, but if you ever need to chat I'm here.
> 
> Its a hell of a lot easier to deal with, when you have your friends around. 
> 
> But hey- ho it would be great to know what you guys think. Much love <3


	7. If we’re all born to die and we all die to live… then what’s the point in living life if it just contradicts?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A couple of weeks had passed since Clay had gone back to school after he had recovered from his encounter with Bryce.
> 
> Littered with scars and burns, he refused to show any inch of his skin to anyone.  
> Especially Tony. 
> 
> The Latino boy didn’t question his style of clothing even in the hot summer months, purely because it was normal for him to be adorned with hoodies and jeans all the time, however the absences from Gym class had raised a few heads.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ignore the falling in reverse quote xD ( The Drug In Me Is You :3 )  
> Have a listen <3 
> 
> I’m sorry but I just had this planned for Clay so I didn’t know how to put Tony in between the weeks without including more Brad.  
> >W<
> 
> So I decided that will be summed up a little in the next chapter… 
> 
> This is gonna be hella angsty Clays given up and lost his shit…Big time.

 

 

**If we’re all born to die and we all die to live… then what’s the point in living life if it just contradicts**?

Chapter 7:Clay again Sorry :3

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=--=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

A couple of weeks had passed since Clay had gone back to school- after he had recovered from his encounter with Bryce.

 

Littered with scars and burns, he refused to show any inch of his skin to anyone. 

Especially Tony.

Deciding instead to purge his emotions through the use of a lighter and razors, which became slightly less sharp and more bloody each evening.

The Latino boy didn’t question his style of clothing even in the hot summer months that had rolled around, purely because it was normal for him to be adorned with hoodies and jeans all the time. However the absences from Gym class had raised a few heads.

He had managed to skirt around the issue with his parents by saying that he was healthy anyway and had found a club outside of school that ran the hours he did at Gym choosing to go to this ‘outreach’ group over his time at school. Which gave his mum peace of mind as he was finally " **Talking to someone** "

He explained this to his new teachers or rather teacher who was now running HR (human Resources) in-stead of Mr. Porter who had either resigned or was fired over the ‘Hannah Baker’ incident.

_They understood._

 

Tony didn’t.

Knowing full well that the boy didn’t “DO” that kind of thing. But Clay didn’t need him too understand, not really.

His connection with real people like Sheri and Jessica -who he never really got on with anyway- had been faltering, even trying to please them with his happier attitude warded them off even more. Which confused the fuck out of the boy, but meh less human interactions the better, right?

But himself; Hannah, Sky and Jeff had never been closer. The time spent at “outreach” was the time to watch movies, chat and play stupid games outside with his friends as if they were still alive.

Realising each time that his reality was slipping away, when he could physically touch them, without them having to disappear.

 

Was that bad?

Was he losing his mind… if it hadn’t gone already?

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=--=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

 

On this occasion (during the time that Tony was probably at Gym), Clay found himself stiffly biking across the town until a particular corner store caught his eye.

The alley next to it where earlier in the year he had chugged down a bottle of liquor faster than Alex Standall, whilst Bryce and Justin looked on.

 

Oh… **_Alex_**.

He hadn’t kept up to date with how the other boy was fairing just recently, becoming introverted as he was to the outside.

Even Tony hadn’t mentioned of any news regarding the boy.

He felt so selfish as to not even consider him, after everything that had happened. Knowing only that he had attempted to take his own life, shooting himself in the head; and rushed to hospital in critical condition. That was how long ago now…?

Stopping to prop his bike down the alley, Jensen went into the corner store and bought a candy, dwelling on his pathetic existence and how he couldn't even remember the people in his life. The chocolate bar he chose was one of the infamous sweets that Hannah Baker had fallen in love with, but her parents’ shop didn’t sell.

Causing her to trek all this way, facing Bryce’s unwanted attentions.

 

After eating it and binning the wrapper Clay took hold of his bike and wheeled it down the alley, leaving enough time to get back home within curfew.

 

Because yes, his mum was still holding that over his head and no he didn’t want to create any more ruptures between his family in his already fragmented life.

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=--=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

 

Looking down at the pavement, he hadn’t realised until too late that he had bumped into a familiar face.

Stuttering an apology, he looked up into the face of Bryce walker, surprised and equally panicked that no one else was near to where they both were…

Together.

_And alone._

 

‘ _Well if it isn’t my best buddy’_ he snickered towards the shorter boy, malice and anger dancing in his eyes.

Wanting to leave the situation as quickly as possible, Clay started backpedalling his cycle and walked back alongside it. Inching towards the main street, keeping his eyes remained on Bryce whilst doing so. Fruitless, unfortunately,  as he advanced towards the smaller boy quicker than the bicycle would allow him to go, still stuck halfway through the alley.

Clay felt trapped.

Barely a metre away, the jab to Clay’s stomach was unexpected, causing him to reactively drop his bike and double over clutching his already scarred abdomen. Given the upper hand, Bryce closed the distance between them throwing his weight towards the smaller boy, a shoulder barge, causing him to collapse, curled on the floor to protect himself. Wincing when the rough pavement grazed his cut arms. 

Bryce then continued to rain kick after kick at his small frame.

His boot strong and dense had a lightweight steel toe cap, causing immediate damage to Clays ribs.

Hearing a snap, he grinned with pleasure as the muffled screams, whimpers and sobs from the teen before him let him know that he was causing a hell of a lot of pain. Leaning down and grabbing at the boys throat he drew him up, weighing less due to not eating as well, Bryce easily collided his insubstantial body into the wall.

 

Wheezing and trying to remove the grip from his throat, Clay scrabbled fruitlessly at the tall senior.

Eventually giving up his effort, quicker than he would’ve done if he cared more for his life, Clay let his hands drop to his sides; and instead pierced Bryce, with the emptiest look of defeat staining his eyes.

 

He knew how Hannah felt the night she was raped.

_Nothing, emptiness, unwillingness to fight back because there was nothing to fight for, and he finally understood._

But where were they now when he need them most?

 

Not there?

 _‘Why Jensen?’_ He asked himself; if  they weren’t real to begin with why did he seek their comfort knowing he just re-imagined them.

_They weren’t real. _

The reality settled back in...

 

It didn’t settle in, it full on fucking crashed and burnt around him and he had no idea what to do, feeling emptier than ever.

 

Pinned against the wall with Bryce’s hips, the hand at his throat moved to trap his arms by his side .

Still completely off the ground his legs were separated with one of Bryce’s thighs.

He looked helplessly at the rapist before him, disgusted with the look of achievement on his face before the Jock forcefully attacked his throat. Biting down and sucking hard, across the joints between his neck and shoulder blades, eliciting a yelp from the smaller boy, drawing blood from his marks made across Clay’s body.

 

Clay thought he might be crying, but he wasn’t sure, his ribs ached, he wanted to throw up, he wanted it to end.

 

_He wanted everything to end._

**It hurt too much.**

Couldn’t it just stop?

 

Feeling light headed, all it took was a couple of seconds for the boy to pass out completely.

 

And Bryce took full advantage of that fact. Removing his hoodie and tearing his T shirt with his hands, the boy flipped Clay over, his front pressed to the wall and the large expanse of untouched, unscarred skin shone back at him.  Head slouched to the side his check pressed against the cold brick.

Seeing the smaller boys scared arms and stomach had made him feel -if anything- a little pity for his victims’ inner turmoil but that didn’t deter him for long, as he flicked open his butterfly knife and carved away into Clays flesh, finishing only when it bled all over his hands and onto the pavement.

Decorating the space between with the lit fag he had just finished smoking, burning the stump out again and again. 

Then re-lighting it. Again and again.

The flesh sizzling and hissing with each inscription.

 

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=--=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

Stirring, the boy woke to find himself laying on the floor of an alley with just his hoodie on, Bryce nowhere to be seen.

He checked the time.

‘ _Shit_.’ He mumbled.

It had gone half an hour passed his curfew.

Five.

 

But he realised he didn’t care anymore.

Trying to move, his ribs and stomach both protested; turning to the side and throwing up what he had eaten from lunch earlier and apparently some blood too. Gathered by the flakes he saw, that would explain some things. His shirt lay away from him, shredded. Torn.

Not knowing what time his surprise meeting with Bryce began or ended, he couldn’t be sure what had been done to him as he passed out.

Unknowing of the marks left on his back, when his whole body vibrated **PAIN** with each step.

The corner store was still open, he was surprised that no one had found him since.

Even so he walked inside, its usual attendant at this time, giving the boy a discerning look when he came to the till with a bottle of vodka.

 _‘I didn’t get it from you’_ Was all Clay could provide hoping it would work, when he paid in cash then left with the agreement of the cashier.

 

Walking his bike back in quiet agony, the boy saw the Baker’s Drug store was still open.

 

And entered with half a mind of what he wanted to get, without quite knowing how.

He walked over to the medicine counter, seeing Hannah’s dad made his gut twist, he clenched his front when the pain radiated through his ribs too. Trying not to throw up he scanned the shelves quickly, seeing what he came for.

‘ _Hey Clay, isn’t it? Everything okay?_ ’ He gestured towards the smaller boy who was currently still in a lot of pain.

 

‘ _Do you have any double strength pain killers?_ ’ He asked plainly.

 

‘ _All these, are prescription’_   Mr. Baker gestured towards the shelves.

‘But I should have some of my own back of shop, I’ll be just a minute.’

Concerned for the young persons’ health, knowing he was a friend of Hannah’s he thought he would do his best to help Clay.

 

Whilst he was out of view, the smaller boy reached over the counter and swiped a bottle of Extra-Strength sleeping pills. Pocketing it in his hoodie.

He knew the store didn’t have surveillance, Hannah had once said they couldn’t afford it. He felt bad for using that information against the Bakers knowing full well what they are still currently going through.

 

Andy eventually came back and gave a strip of painkillers to Clay of his own stash. As the younger boy began to pay for it, he waved him away saying it was for him as a friend of the family, not a customer. Again feeling bad for stealing, Clay just nodded in appreciation.

Giving his thanks, and left. 

Gathering his bike, he then fired of a quick text to his Mum.

 **Out late with Tony, don’t expect me back tonight, will stay at his**. _*He hated lying but he didn't want them to worry about his safety_

Turning his phone off to stave the repercussions of his mother Clay walked.

_And walked._

And walked.

Getting where he wanted to go had been one of the most painful experiences of his life.

He was not going to have another.

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=--=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

 

Trashing his bike by the fence, Clay casually collapsed on the other side of the gap, staring at the stars only just appearing and town lights; twinkling below him. Some flickering out for the night, others switching on. Night life.

The cliff he had tried to jump off before, yawned before him, cavernous and open.

It’s drop only meters away from his feet. Tempting yet...

He knew that movement was no longer possible, everything ached too much.

 

He dragged the bottle of Vodka from his bag, popped the lid and took a long, big gulp of the liquid. Leaving a burning trail down his throat. Which eventually faded when he had another.

Interspersed with a couple of pills from the med container he managed to ultimately get through most of the pills but a handful (ignoring the painkillers because he wouldn’t need them in the end) and got about two thirds from the bottom of his vodka bottle before he was rudely interrupted. By those that had only recently abandoned him in his time of need.

_Again._

 

Hannah, Jeff and Skye were sat opposite him, his vision blurring slightly so they looked slightly unfixed and blurry around the edges, if he strained hard enough.

 _‘Clay what are you doing buddy?_ ’ Jeff asked concern and worry etching his features like a stencil. Always the caring one.

 

 _‘This is not the way to go and you know it Clay.’_ Skye look almost angry and particularly annoyed, _‘Suicide is for the weak remember?’_

Yes, she had told him that, it felt like... so long ago…But he was extremely weak.

He looked over at Hannah waiting for her addition to the sudden committee meeting, looking up and meeting his gaze.

She looked broken, tears cascading down her face like a burst dam.

 _‘Not like this helmet, you won’t, not like me,_ ‘

She stuttered, words failing her now he was slipping away for good.

Suddenly feeling a strong sensation of anguish that he had caused his best friends to feel this way... 

‘ ** _Call Tony’_ **

They all said, just like last time those two weeks ago. Again reminding him of this important figure, his rock in this life.

Answering their last plea, he fumbled for his phone and picked the second from recent contact after his mum.

Realising that she wouldn't having any clue of his current predicament. 

 

Phoning the Latino boy, partly hoping he would pick up and not simultaneously.

It rang once.

Twice.

Then picked up.

 

‘Clay?’ The voice was uncertain yet remarkably and fantastically Tony fucking Padilla’s.

Comfort and a sense of belonging washed over him as he focused on that voice. 

‘Tony… ‘ his voice broke and he began to sniffle into the speaker.

His arm dropping to the side the phone only held up by the weight of his head and wedged between the fencepost.

 

‘ _I think I’m dying’_ He whispered barely audible to his best friend.

 _‘Hey! Hey ! Clay you’re gonna be fine man , where are you buddy, im gonna come and pick you up okay, stay with me here..._ ,’ The Puerto Rican sputtered into the speaker, his worry and torment that those few words said to him created, hurt Clay even more, wishing he hadn't said it. Instead maybe an _"I love you"_ would have been enough... Or would that have been worse? 

 His vision clouded, darkening spots in the corner blotched out the landscape.

 

‘Cliff…favourite spot’ was all he could mumble before his head lolled forward.

 

The phone slipping beneath him.

Falling onto the grass.

As Tony started yelling into the receiver.

 

The world became dead to Clay.

As he slipped away.

 

Or was he dead to the world?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm so sorry if you're crying by the end of this >W,
> 
> I nearly was although onions are cooking downstairs so that might be it xD
> 
> but oh shit what have I done? :3
> 
> Wil Clay die? Can Tony get there in time? I'm so sorry but you have to wait to find out xD


	8. Time passes as quickly as the crow flies;

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG guys >W<
> 
> The last chapter left such a hanger xD
> 
> And this one does too :3 
> 
> Next chapter we get the resolve I Promise.
> 
> There maybe even some smut if you're lucky :/

**Time passes as quickly as the crow flies** ;

Chapter 8: Tony

\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

 

When Clay appeared back to school, a couple of days after his “Talk” with Bryce Walker, his attitude and demeanour had changed dramatically. As if over-night.

Of course, Tony was overjoyed with the new (or rather old) personality of Clay Jensen, who was chipper and lighter than life.

As much as you could be- as a student at Liberty High.

Taking rides to and from the school with the Latino boy, conversing just like they had before; about new movies coming out in cinemas, assignments that neither of them had even started yet or just random crap that sprang to mind, but was equally shared amongst the two.

 

Sharing the odd coffee morning or afternoon at Monet’s'

Where Clay no longer feared to enter the café, because of Skye's absence behind the counter (he had abdicated to not enter it again when she had died).

 

Astounded of this new change in the Clay Jensen that he knew and loved, Tony never caught sight of the boy when his eyes glazed over and he was all but vacant from the room.

They were just recently getting back into the movie night habit, or rather Tony was asking whether they wanted to start doing that on some weekends. Clay was reluctant at first, pulling down and fiddling with the draw strings from his hoodie.

 

Hoodies…

Lately Tony noticed that the taller boy no longer wore short sleeves, no matter the weather or blistering heat. It definitely raised some concern, but knowing that Tony himself always wore his leather jacket assumed this was Clays favourite item of clothing. A home from home.

 

**But.**

Clay Jensen had been skipping gym...

He had no reason to, aside from not wanting to participate in the class. Even still over the two weeks, since he was back, he had missed only this period every time.

When Tony had asked, Clay told him about this ‘Outreach’ group his parents signed him up to, which he attended during the time they had Gym class coincidentally. 

 

The Puerto Rican boy highly doubted this, if nothing else but the unexpected change that brought the New Clay Jensen’s personality…

He sure as hell knew, that Clay would not suddenly talk about his **feelings** especially to people he didn’t know.

Not wanting to pry into his life and suffocate him further, guaranteeing that he would clam up, Tony didn’t mention it again. Hoping only that the boy knew he could talk to him as well. But any mention of the other teens feelings any day was only responded with;

_‘Im fine… Now about this… ‘_

He changed the subject as quickly as he changed the channel on TV when it was annoying him.

Was Tony annoying him?

It was only because he cared so much, unable to think of anything other than the figure that was his best friend.

\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

 

The weeks past as quick for Tony as they did for Brad.

Originally, after their talk at Monet’s they still continued to be together in a partnership, but as the days dropped by and the hours trickled past like minutes.

Their closeness became a friendship.

Which after a while felt like an acquaintance as they spent less time together, whilst Brad was packing for Uni.

Until eventually, they felt obligated to see the days through.

Barely speaking to one another.

 

It was less than companionable.

 

There eventual separation, emotionally and physically hurt as it slipped away but here they were… On their last night, together.

For the final time.

Tucked on either side of the Padilla’s couch, a huge gap separating them, a slightly dense and awkward atmosphere suspend above them also. Whilst a movie droned on in the background that, apparently, they were watching. Knowing that they couldn’t care less about the images flashing on the screen but were beholden to watch it together for the last time.

Nearing the end of the movie, credits rolling by, Tony felt his phone vibrate and chime in his back pocket.

 

Once.

 

**Twice.**

 

Until Brad looked over at the man sat the other end of the couch, signalling to pick it up.

Pulling the tech out, he saw the caller ID and immediately his heart jumped into his mouth.

It was _one_ in the morning.

This couldn’t be good…

 

‘ _Clay?’_

He knew his voice sounded hesitant and uncertain, causing Brad to cock his head towards the shorter boy in an effort to show comfort or equally interest, in the mention of Clays’ name in such a way.

 

\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

 

A tiny, quiet and almost miniscule voice rasped into the speaker.

‘ _Tony…’_

It was unmistakeably Clay’s.

The Latino boy stood helpless again, completely unaware of how to respond to the meek suggestion of his name, when the words that came out of the receiver next caused him to nearly have a full-blown panic attack.

 

_‘I think I’m dying’_

The words barely recognizable as they were being whispered into his ear.

Tony’s breath faltered.

Then started up again his chest heaving, his brows furrowing in fear and dread.

 

Sputtering vainly back at his friend, ‘ _Hey! Hey ! Clay you’re gonna be fine man , where are you buddy, I'm gonna come and pick you up okay, stay with me here...,'_

 

Wanting so badly for the answer to where the boy was, just so he could be with him before…

Well before the way he found Hannah.

Thrown into a body bag.

Slamming onto the metal floor that covered the medical vehicle.

Seeing Clay’s there instead.

 

Cliff…

Did Clay say cliff? His favorite spot , **Tony’s** favorite spot.

Where he had tried to jump of before.

 

He heard the handset thump on the ground, before he began to yell at Clay, wanting him to respond.

Running out of time.

 

Like sand through an hourglass.

The time that had gone so quickly before, felt suffocating now.

When Clay had been fine.

Had Clay not been fine?...

All along?

\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

 

Turning sharply to look over at the man on the couch. _‘I’m leaving’_

The words felt acidic and toxic as he spewed them from his mouth.

_‘I wont be here when you get back’_ was his reply as Brad stood up from the couch.

Tony nodded . _‘I know, goodbye’_

 

It was curt, short and cruel he hated it, but knew that a long farewell had already been achieved over the last two weeks, he couldn’t care less.

 

Wanting to leave.

Needing to get to Clay.

The taller boy practically dying inside of Tony’s mind already, withering away with every moment that was spent not going after him.

He ran out the house, parked on the street his Mustang shone in the glow of a street light.

Throwing himself into the drivers seat.

Slamming on the gas and speeding towards the high point, overlooking the town.

 

Hoping he wouldn’t get there too late.

Not again.

Recklessly and carelessly he drove, towards the cliff.

His favorite spot.

The best view for miles around.

\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

 

Turning the corner harshly and almost skidding into the wooden fencing, his headlights caught the sight of Clays’ bike.

Jumping out, he rushed towards the opening, the gap between the posts of wood.

Where he saw the boys’ small form, slumped forward, behind the entrance.

Head bowed.

Rushing to grab and shake his shoulders, his boot nudged something.

 

A bottle of pills nestled near his feet alongside a nearly empty bottle of vodka.

_‘Shit!... Shit… oh fuck Clay...’_

Tears springing to his eyes, he placed his fingers at the pulse point below Clays chin. 

 

Not noticing in the dim light, the marks scattered across his throat.

 

Pressing into the flesh. **** ~~~~

Hoping to find.

 

Hoping to feel, just one beat.

No matter how small.

 

He couldn’t see any movement of his chest, no shallow breaths to symbolize the intake of oxygen.

But there!

 

One tiny barely noticeable vibration sounded below his fingers.

Letting out a pent up breath he had been holding.

 

Wrenching at Clay’s waist and moving his legs from underneath him, Tony supported his sternum with one arm.

As Clay was knelt beside him, Tony's supporting position allowing his body to remain horizontal to the ground.

 

Knees drawn beneath him.

Whilst his other hand forced open Clays’ mouth. Attacking his tonsils.

Forcing his digits down his best friends’ throat, hoping to provoke a reaction.

 

Wishing that Clay would sputter to life, to come back to him.

With every moment that ticked away Tony felt like he had already lost his best friend.

Praying to his God, any higher power living somewhere to just give him back. He wouldn’t let Clay be taken from him.

Not like this.

Not after everything he never had the chance to say.

 

Hand still vigorously excavating his throat, the nanoseconds felt like an eternity. Whilst he waited.

**And waited.**

Crying softly, his body shuddering violently over his friends seemingly lifeless body. ...

He began to mutter to himself, maybe if Clay could hear him he would wake up. …

‘ _Please don’t be…dead’_ No response.

           ….

_‘For me please Clay,... I love you…’_

 

The last sentence causing the Latino boy to start sobbing uncontrollably, his breath hitching in his throat.

And quivering whenever he exhaled.

Still waiting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So what do you think?
> 
> Did Tony get there in time?
> 
> Did his efforts to revive Clay work?
> 
> We shall see in the next chapter :3 
> 
> <3 <3 Xxx


	9. So Long To All My Friends, Every One Of Them Met Tragic Ends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dun dun Dunn !!!  
> P.s did u like the My Chemical Romance title.. ,-, nope? never mind i'll see my emo self out xD
> 
> I'm sorry this was gonna be really long but I decided to split it 
> 
> The smut comes later I rekon tho so :3 
> 
> Hope u like it ^-^

**So Long To All My Friends, Every One Of Them Met Tragic Ends**

Chapter 9: Clay & Tony :3

 

^-.-^-.^-.-^-.-^-.^-.-^-.-^-.^-.-^-.-^-.^-.-^-.-^-.^-.-^-.-^-.^-.-^-.-^-.^-.-^-.-^-.^.

The eternity Tony felt could have been mere moments when Clay finally stirred.

Sputtering to life and throwing up yet again onto the ground before him.

Each stomach contraction causing his ribs immense pain. Remnants of the vodka and chemicals from the pills spilled out also, some of its effects already absorbed into his bloodstream left Clay feeling extremely fatigued and tired.

Unsure of how he magically came back to life it took him a while to feel the weight of a hand pressing down on his back.

 

It hurt.

A lot.

Scrambling backwards to get away from this person who was hurting him, he only caused himself more injury.

Not wanting to be in pain anymore, he curled in on himself, shutting out whoever might be near to him.

Squeezing his eyes tight, expecting another torrent of kicks.

Maybe it was Bryce…

 

Until…

He heard a very familiar voice.

 

Tony’s.

 

Opening his eyes to meet the concerned stare of his best friend, Clay slowly inched off the ground and into the Latino boys’ waiting arms. Collapsing all his weight onto him, not caring how much it hurt.

Only wanting to be held by this fantastic, life-saving, caring human being who had made it just in time.

Bringing him back from the point of extinction.

^-.-^-.^-.-^-.-^-.^-.-^-.-^-.^-.-^-.-^-.^-.-^-.-^-.^-.-^-.-^-.^-.-^-.-^-.^-.-^-.-^-.^.

 

When Clay had choked and thrown up around Tony’s retreating fingers, the shorter boy couldn’t have heard a happier sound.

Clay was alive.

He was breathing.

 

He wasn’t dead.

Relief flooded his brain, as he sat and comforted the boy spewing his guts across the grass. Tony’s hand placed on Clays back to soothe him.

Unable to form words yet, he was surprised when Clay jolted at the touch and scrambled to get away from him.

Only to curl up on himself and shake…

With… what looked like, Fear.

Trying to console him Tony started talking to the taller boy, speaking his name trying to get a reaction. When finally, his eyes opened and registered that Tony was the one that was there, that was talking to him.

Wanting to feel closer to him, Tony outstretched his arms, signalling at Clay to hug him but not physically putting himself onto the anxious boy, who was already in a fitful state.

As Clay hesitantly climbed into his embrace, he felt a large weight ease off his chest. Taking larger breaths that shuddered a lot less.

Tony calmed.

 

His eyes had dried, when he had wiped his tears away but he could feel the wetness of Clays’ as he wept into Tony’s shoulder.

^-.-^-.^-.-^-.-^-.^-.-^-.-^-.^-.-^-.-^-.^-.-^-.-^-.^-.-^-.-^-.^-.-^-.-^-.^-.-^-.-^-.^.

 

Wanting to be closer to his saviour, his best friend, Clay all but climbed into Tony’s lap.

Clinging onto him as if he were one of Clays’ schizophrenic hallucinations and didn’t want him to suddenly disappear. Welcoming the touch, the boy continually sobbed into his friends’ shoulder, trying to stave his quaking body from damaging his ribs anymore.

They sat like that for what felt like a long while.

 

Until finally, Clay had stopped crying and his breathing had become stable again.

He didn’t want to go home.

Not in this state, not yet.

 

Out of town maybe.

As long as Tony was with him he didn’t care too much. Knowing that he would have to explain this to the other, Clay mumbled to the Latino boy;

_‘Tony…’_

  Pausing and waiting for the nod of his head to continue,

 _‘I don’t… I don’t want to go back yet’_ He stuttered.

Hoping that he would understand the meaning behind Clay’s words to get out of the town.

 

Of course he understood, it was fucking Tony Padilla, the unhelpful Yoda- who had been by Clay’s side since he could remember, who knew the boy better than Clay did himself sometimes. Although he may not have supported the idea, wanting instead to get medical treatment in case something went wrong, he didn’t disagree and knew anyway he was capable of treating injuries just as well as any doctor.

Should the need arise.

 

He didn’t know how much that would entail. 

Unaware of what lay beneath the items of clothing his best friend wore.

 

Wanting to move, Clay stumbled onto his feet, tried walking a couple of steps and immediately faltering, almost falling again if Tony hadn’t of caught him. Using the shorter boys’ shoulders as a crutch they limped towards the Mustang. Tony helping Clay carefully slide into the passenger seat whilst he went to retrieve, his bike. Putting it in the boot of his car, then re-joining his friend at the front only to find that Clay had fallen asleep already.

As he started the engine and quickly pulled away, Tony drove out of the town in search of a motel.

Every few minutes looking over at his passenger to make sure that his breathing never weakened. Never in his life did he feel so stressed and then suddenly so relieved in the span of a few minutes.

 

Contemplating how very differently that could have panned out, if Brad hadn’t told him to take the call.

If he hadn’t of gotten there fast enough.

All of these if’s again reminded him of Hannah’s death.

 

And suddenly the realisation that Clay could’ve died.

Scrap that !

 **Tried to end his life** , hit him like a tonne of bricks.

And all over again Tony Padilla was left with a box of emotions that he had no idea what to do with.

At least this one didn’t have tapes in it. He thought.

And immediately regretted it.

 

Spying a Motel, a little ways down the highway, he turned in and parked up. It was within walking distance to a Diner too. He quickly went inside and booked a room for two; across both Saturday and Sunday night. Of course the only room available was a double bed, not that he cared about sharing but unlike Tony, Clay wasn’t known to have had many male bed fellows.

Returning back to the car and carrying his passenger back indoors, he was eyed by the receptionist who took into account the state of his friend, raising an eyebrow.

Too exhausted to care, he unlocked the room, whilst still holding Clay.

Who he though had lost a lot of weight.

 

_When was the last time he had seen him eating?_

_When was the last time he ate?_

 

The Puerto Rican boy laid him carefully under the covers and climbed in beside him. Sitting vigil as his guardian, protector making sure that he was breathing easy.

Unaware of the demons he was facing as he slept.

 

But guarding all the same.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here goes :3
> 
> The next ones gonna be bumpy.
> 
> Pretty sure Tony's gonna find out everything...
> 
> Anybody wondering what Bryce carved on Clay's back ... you might find out >W<#


	10. I’m An Angel With A Shot Gun Fighting Till The Wars Won I Don’t Care If Heaven Won’t Take Me Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clay was back in Bryce’s house, facing the headboard of his bed, awaiting the pain that was going to tear him apart from the inside.
> 
> Hannah was sat bleeding out next to him, gasping.
> 
> Wanting her lungs to fill up with air. It did nothing to stop the flow of blood gushing out her arms.  
> Clay couldn’t stop the bleeding his hands were bound.
> 
> As if it could get any worse, he could hear a sound of movement from behind. 
> 
> Bryce.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kay guys this chapter got really long xD
> 
> There is smut at the end! woohoo.
> 
> I have no idea how good it is, i'm really nervous.
> 
> But I hope you like it! <3 
> 
>  
> 
> P.S i'm going to use song quotes for my chapters now ( this one is; Angel with a Shotgun by The Cab) :3

I’m An Angel With A Shot Gun Fighting Till The Wars Won I Don’t Care If Heaven Won’t Take Me Back 

**Chapter 10: Clay & Tony**

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_Clay was back in Bryce’s house, facing the headboard of his bed, awaiting the pain that was going to tear him apart from the inside._

_Hannah was sat bleeding out next to him, gasping. Wanting her lungs to fill up with air. It did nothing to stop the flow of blood gushing out her arms._

_Clay couldn’t stop the bleeding his hands were bound._

_As if it could get any worse, he could hear a sound of movement from behind._

_**Bryce**._

_Looking over his shoulder, who he didn’t expect to see was Tony Padilla. Watching with an empty expression the horror that was happening to his best friend._

_That was until Clay saw the massive hole through his head, spewing blood even quicker than what was pouring out of Hannah._

_He had no idea how the boy was still standing._

_And then Bryce tore him apart._

 

_He screamed through the pain._

_He screamed for Hannah who lay dying beside him._

_He screamed for Tony, who he never got the chance to tell his feelings, no matter how insignificant._

_The pain wouldn’t stop._

_But his lungs hurt from screaming, until he couldn’t make a sound…_

 

And then he bolted awake.

Seeing the light to the bathroom, with no idea where he was only that he needed to throw up, Clay ran out of the room leaving a dumbstruck Tony beside him to go and use said bathroom.

 

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Whilst the Latino boy was watching over the form of his sleeping friend, he first noticed some twitches and slight spasms that the other boy was having.

This eventually evolved into full body seizures and screaming.

Tony had no idea what to do, hold him down so he didn’t hurt himself?

Wake him up?

Either way the decision was made for him when Clay violently awoke, running out of the room straight towards the loo to throw up. Leaving the door wide open.

Tony quickly followed behind him, standing over his friend who was struggling to vomit anything as his stomach was basically emptied earlier. Noticing the dark red patches staining his Hoodie.

Shit.

What was left was flushed and Clay didn’t make a move to stand. Possibly not knowing how.

 _‘I need a shower’_ He said, not looking up from the bowl.

Tony picked up a towel from the rail and handed it to him.

 

He took a quick mouthful of water from the sink beside him, rinsing and spitting before deciding whether he wanted to use the shower unit or bath. Settling for the unit in the corner he didn’t bother to strip before he went in.

Throwing the towel over the glass panel to cover Tony’s view whilst he undressed. Clothes hung over the top railing next to the bath towel and steam began to rise whilst the water heated up.

The shorter boy could hear muttered cursing, hisses and tiny yelps coming from inside.

He was hurt. How badly?

_‘Clay, I need to go and get something from the front office, I’ll be right back’_

 

He called to the other boy, not waiting for an answer. He rushed to the front desk, asking after any med kits, saying that his friend that came in needed some medicinal supplies. She reluctantly handed the box over to him promising that he would pay for everything he used before he left.

Hurrying back, he placed the pack on the closed toilet seat and checked to make sure they had everything from bandages to antiseptics. With needle and thread in-between.

 

The shower was shut off. The towel was extracted from its place.

The glass too steamy to see through apart from a figure blurred in every way but outline.

_‘Tony…’_

There was that voice again.

Desperate.

Broken.

 

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When Tony had gone looking for who knew what, Clay was left to consider his options.

Does he tell him?

Or should he hide again?

How much longer could he withstand this pain before keeling over?

 

Deciding on the former, Clay finally washed the suds out of his hair, keeping the run off well away from his body in case it would sting. And watched as the water ran pinkie -red beneath him, spiralling down the drain.

Everything hurt.

So much.

He had no idea pain of this extent was possible. Well maybe apart from pregnancy. That shits meant to be like burning alive or something.

 

He heard the teen come back into the room, succeeding in whatever endeavour he had set out to do.

 _‘Tony’_ He knew it sounded weak and broken.

This was it.

Now or never, Tony could help.

He always did.

 

Dressed in his towel and clutching his clothes he drew back the shower divide, the glass door swinging open. He was exposed to the room.

To Tony.

He teared up again, knowing what he was going to say next.

 _ **‘You’re the only person that can fix me, but I’m not asking you too**_ ’ He stumbled forward a couple of steps letting the clothes fall to the floor, as Tony just stared.

 

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When the door swung open and Clay alongside the steam came out of the shower Tony was speechless. Looking at Clay’s arms and legs covered in cuts, he though it couldn’t get any worse. Until, those words dripped out of his mouth like liquid lava, burning every-thing Tony thought he knew about Clay Jensen.

‘ _You’re the only one who can fix me… but I’m not asking you to’_

 

And just like that he was sat next to Hannah Baker the night she was raped.

Unable to help, unable to stop the hurt.

As she dissolved next to him. Becoming a shell, unmovable and morose.

 

But this was Clay Jensen, the boy he cared deeply for.

He wasn’t… He couldn’t lose him too.

Once the clothes had dropped from his stomach, Tony had already trundled forward to stop him from completely collapsing.

Seeing just as many self-made scars there hurt to see, but also a deep angry red and purple bruise stained his ribs.

 

Definitely broken and fractured in many places. That would explain the shallow breathing and frequent whimpers of pain whenever Clay had been crying.

Bent forward over his knees, Clay started weeping again. His head rested on Tony’s thighs as the boy knelt over him. But what he saw was worse than any of his nightmares by tenfold.

Carved into the boys’ back was an inscription by none other than Bryce Walker, even upside down he could read the text. Beginning from between Clays shoulder blades right down to his lower back and stamped with cigarette burns all the way down. The arrow above Clays crested round cheeks, the meaning self-evident; the last word curving around it.

**IF FOUND**

**PLEASE RETU-**

**RN TO B.W**

**FOR A**

**T H O R O U G H**

** FUCK **

 

    

 

 

Tony’s blood was boiling, his fists clenched by his sides. He had known all along he supposed that Bryce had a larger part to play in the ruination of his friend more than just a simple apology.

What else had been done to Clay that Tony had no idea about, he could only fathom

 

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Sensing his fists clench Clay looked up at his friend, anger evident on his face.

Was he angry at Clay?

It was warranted but it made the boy feel a lot worse about the situation than he was already in.

_‘Tony what’s wrong?’_

He had to ask just to be sure.

 

The Puerto Rican could only stare beyond his pleading eyes, burning into his back. Clay looked over to the right of him, a mirror stretching from the floor to ceiling showed exactly what had been done to him.

_‘Oh…That’s what he did’_

Only realising now made it hurt a lot more. Angry red and sore from being stuck to his hoodie all day, it hadn’t begun healing very well. Although the shower did make the scars look a lot more dramatic as it heated them up.

‘ _What do you mean that’s what he did! How did you not know!_ ’ The boy above him exclaimed.

 

Clay looked down into Tony’s lap sheepishly.

In for a penny, in for a pound.

Jeff would be proud of him “spilling the beans”

…

 _‘I was unconscious…’_ It was mumbled, but it was there. Tony gritted his teeth harder, if that was even possible.

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The edge all but gone Tony softened instead moving Clay’s hands and head to reach for the Med kit.

‘ _You knew?_ ’ He asked. Looking over at the box.

 _‘I had an idea._ ’

 

After the hoodies, skipping Gym, now this and the nightmares; Tony had a very big idea how his friend had been coping.

And it didn’t look great.

Most of Clay’s cuts and lighter burns were evidently used to healing by themselves, he could see the marks retraced and the old lines shone pale grey. His heart twisting at how Clay thought this was his only option, to hurt. But the marks and injuries made by Bryce were a whole other ball park.

He cleaned, dressed, and bandaged what he could, Clay’s torso now looking like a mummy costume for kids’ Halloween. Necessary but painful he kept reminding the other, each time he clay cried out in agony.

His sounds similar to that of a beaten dog, made Tony feel like he was the one personally abusing his friend.

It hurt to see him like this.

 

But it hurt a lot less than it would’ve done if he wasn’t alive…

Once no more could be done to aid the healing process, Tony leant back against the rim of the tub, just like he had done next to Hannah all that time ago.

But Clay instead of sitting next to him, came, and cuddled in-between his open legs, head burrowed into the crook of Tony’s neck; as he melted into the other boy.

Close.

 

Comforting.

And safe at last.

Clay still felt exhausted but having Tony there made everything simpler to deal with.

The pain was secondary.

 

They stayed like that for a long while, Clay still only dressed in a towel and mummified bandages, resting against the warmth of Tony’s T-shirt. His leather jacket abandoned in the other room.

Cocooned in the other boys’ arms and comfortably trapped by his legs, Tony’s head rested on top of Clay’s so he could no longer move anything. Nor did he want to, at least not for a while.

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When eventually the decision was made to relocate back to the bedroom Tony stayed saying he needed to use the bathroom.

Whilst Clay sat on the edge of the bed, head in his hands, wondering what would happen in the future for himself now everyone (well just Tony at the moment) knew how much he was failing at life. He sat pondering for a while, not knowing how easily the time passed when he was deep in thought.

Clay was suddenly interrupted by Tony who had re-entered the bedroom. What could have been minutes, but felt like seconds for Clay.

The boy in question walked over to him and tilted his head up, looking deeply into his eyes.

 

A question hovering between them.

Before leaning down, closer still millimetres from Clays face…

His lips…

 

Unsure of how to proceed but not unwilling, Clay closed the distance bringing them together in a quick chaste kiss.

Pulling away, uncertain if that was what Tony meant and feeling very awkward that he just kissed his best friend, Clay felt his cheeks heat up; blushing. His eyes drifted down then quickly back up to see the other grinning at him.

The Latino boy carefully pushed Clay backwards onto the bed, unwrapping his towel and dragging it onto the floor whilst undoing his jeans and shrugging out his boxers.

 

Clay was naked.

In-front of Tony.

Who was currently climbing on top of him… And stripping of his T-Shirt. Exposing all of the familiar tattoos that littered his arms and chest.

 

Suddenly very aware of their situation and just how vulnerable Clay felt, he pushed his hand towards Tony's chest stilling his movement. The boy quirked an eyebrow, waiting for Clay to explain.

Unsure of how to describe to Tony how this interaction was causing him to start panicking as he was laid bare beneath him.

Like Bryce.

His mind flickered back to his rape, wondering if Tony was going to try and top. He knew he wouldn't be able to stomach it... Not so soon after everything that had happened.

He looked into the boy's eyes trying to convey his uncertainty, the emotions he was feeling.

He trusted him with his life, self evidently proven after he had saved him just a while ago.

 _'Tony... I don't think... I can't..._ '

 

He failed to provide a solid reason behind the sudden pause, hoping that he would understand the meaning behind the couple of words he managed to speak.

 

Seeing the fear and anxiety spread through Clays' features made Tony's heart melt, he knew to what extent Bryce had tortured the boy.

Clay had been raped.

**And he thought Tony was going to try and top him too...**

He leant down and quickly brushed his lips across Clay's forehead, looking down into those teary eyes and trying to comfort the nervous boy with a smile.

 

_'I know mi Carino... I'm not doing that, not to you. I would never hurt you Clay , you know that. I promise that you have just as much control as I do, if you say stop, I will. If you say leave, I would... for you.'_

Hoping his words gave Clay some comfort he waited for the answer, the reassurance to go ahead. 

Wanting only for the boy below him to feel loved, to feel the pleasure that had been denied to him for so long.

 

_**Wanting to fix Clay Jensen.** _

Just like Hannah had asked. He wasn't going to fail again.

 

The tension slowly eased from the boys' frame, slipping away and down his shoulders. Of course he trusted that Tony would never hurt him.

What was he worried about.

He beamed at the Latino boy above him, nodding his head to allow the continuation of whatever he had planned.

Trusting him, loving him completely.

 

Scooting horizontally a bit, so their bodies could lie across the bed without dangling off, Tony nuzzled at the taller boys’ face. Growling at the marks he found there, where earlier Bryce’s teeth had sunk into his flesh.

Instead he licked over the marks, sucking gently and playfully nipping where there weren’t any.

Marking his territory.

His Clay.

 

Moving up Clay’s jaw line and meeting a pair of soft plush lips.

Drawing the bottom one in only to let it go, licking his way into the boys’ mouth. Clay moaned into Tony, the vibration immediately going to his cock as he forgot the need to breathe.

Lost in the others warm, wet orifice.

Bringing his hands to claw at the shorter boys back, their bodies closer together. Eliciting a gasp when the friction between their members, caused a spark of pleasure. Knotting low in Clays stomach.

 

Separating again, Tony shuffled lower down the bed, disappearing from Clays’ view until he felt the grip of the teens hand loosely thumb the head of his cock. Definitely invested in what was happening, it perked up towards his chest.

Where he then felt the silicon wrapping of a condom being slid down and at the same time being followed by the wet heat of Tony’s sinful mouth.

Without meaning too, Clay let out a load moan arching his back, as the mouth around him skilfully sucked and licked his way down to the base. Tony’s hand snaked his way up to Clay’s, bringing it back down to tangle in his hair.

 

Getting the message and gasping at the request all the same.

He fisted his hands harshly in Tony’s hair, when the rhythm of his mouth moving up and down his cock became too much. Knowing that he wouldn’t have lasted much longer.

The Latino boy pulled off with a pop coming back up to kiss the adorable flesh quivering beneath him, seated hovering just above Clay’s member, he looked down at the other boy, taking in his flushed face, pupil blown eyes and sank down with one swift motioned.

Bottoming out on Clay Jensen.

 

Tony had never done this with another guy before, but he had wanted to show Clay just how much he loved him and just how good he could feel.

Surprised at first with how full the sensation was, he literally felt stuffed with the boys’ prick and to hell if that didn’t sound hot to him.

 

He leant over and moaned into Clays’ mouth, the boy below him experimentally rolling his hips upwards, into Tony, causing him to intake breathe from his nose sharply. Breaking away to start moving, the teen seated on Clay lifted himself up and hesitantly sank back down. Going slowly at first, then building rhythm as the boy beneath him matched his thrusts upwards.

Hitting the bundle of nerves, that was Tony’s prostate, he whimpered aloud with pleasure.

 

Wanting to hit that spot for him again, Clay grabbed hold of the boys’ waist, gripping his hip bones to roll himself harder into the mewling boy above him. Sure enough, the same result was achieved.

A few firm thrusts later and Clay was coming into Tony, mouth wide open, eyes screwed tight in pleasure, whilst he rode out his orgasm into the person above him. Tony quickly followed suit, ejaculating over Clay’s stomach and his own hand.

 

He slumped forward body lightly resting on top of the boy underneath him, elbows managing most of the weight, as they breathed deeply into one another. Pulling off and rolling to the side of Clay, a box of tissues by the bed served their purpose of cleaning up.

Tying a knot in the condom and throwing it and the tissue remains into the waste basket.

They clambered into bed together, still feeling high from their orgasm but pleasantly tired, they drifted off in each-others’ arms.

Although Tony heared a faint mumble from behind him before fully falling asleep, which sounded a lot like;

‘ _I’m so glad they got me to call you’_

 

Lights out. ……………………………………………………………………………

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you like it?
> 
> What will Tony ask tomorrow about they?
> 
> Will he find out about Clay's schizophrenia?


	11. Save your heart for someone that's worth dying for, Don't give it away.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the aftermath of Clays rape and suicide attempt,
> 
> after the night spent with Tony at the Motel what's going to change?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song ^-^ Save your heart- Mayday parade Have a listen :3 
> 
> Hope you like the chapter, its kinda slow burn,
> 
> the next few chapters is probs gonna be like healing and the romance I guess

Save your heart for someone that’s worth dying for, don’t give it away.

**Chapter 11: Clay & Tony**

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Originally, Clay had been sceptical.

Unconfident of how he would have coped in an intimate situation, being left vulnerable and at the mercy of Bryce beforehand did affect his libido, when he came to be in a more than purely platonic setting with Tony at the Motel.

However, he did trust him, whole-heartedly.

Which was why he had been able to overcome that fear of openness and enjoy his experience with the Latino boy… Only wishing it had been his first instead.

 

At the mention of the other boys’ name, Clay blinked awake, his initial thought had been how close he and Tony had gravitated over-night. With his arm wrapped around the teens’ waist, fixed by the grip of Tony’s hand encompassing his, he was fully pressed against the other boys sleeping form. Seeing how domestic they looked at this point, made Clay grin into the back of the boys’ neck. His nose tickled by Tony’s unkempt hair, that was for once no longer slicked back and styled. It’s natural curl showing through.

This blissful, unaware feeling slowly faded as the pulsing of _pain_ surrounded from everywhere in his body.

Grimacing, and stifling a groan Clay tried in vain to not wake the other boy with his shallow breathing. His eyes tearing up, at how the dull ache that had settled into his back, became a fully fledge nightmare.

Trying to pull his hand out of Tony’s grip, retracting his arm and rolling to the side, he stared unblinking at the ceiling. Harshly breathing through his nose, attempting to intake the oxygen needed to fuel his every cell. Respiring through the pain.

_‘Like always’_

He thought to himself. But not always, he was reminded as the boy beside him stirred awake.

 

Remembering the events of last night, a blush forming at his cheeks.

That had been slightly unexpected, given the state of himself, the scars.

And how Tony barely noticed them.

Still loving him no matter what.

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Tony had fallen into a deep slumber, un-interrupted by nightmares and held close to the boy beside him. Waking up slowly, he took into account the position they had appeared in. With the boys’ arm wrapped tightly around his torso, hand held in place by Tony’s own.

Not wanting to wake him, he stayed like that.

Breathing deeply as to assume that he wasn’t awake. Enjoying the heavenly moment of finally having his friend by his side in this manner. Something -if he could admit to himself- he had wanted for a long while.

 

As all good things come to an end, Clay had woken beside him, rolling over onto his back. Tiny muffled groans and laborious breathing suggested he was in a lot more pain than he let on.

Possibly not wanting to wake Tony up.

 

Unable to hear his struggle any longer, Tony turned and sat on the bed, looking over at Clay who was holding back tears, staring un-movingly at the ceiling.

_‘Clay…’_

Pained and upset that the boy was still trying to protect Tony from helping him, he looked distressed at the form below him.

 

Clay turned his head smiling in evident discomfort at his bedfellow.

 _‘Morning’_ The word came out rasped followed by a series of short breaths.

It was his ribs, and quite likely his back too that was giving him grief.

He could barely breathe through the pain, let alone sit up.

 

Having a lot more experience with fractured bones, particularly ribs Tony advised to the other;

_‘I know it hurts Clay, but you really need to take long deep breaths, otherwise at the rate your breathing you’re gonna get chest infection…’_

He knew it was very likely that boy might already have it, but wanting to provide answers to stop him from being in so much agony he could only try.

‘ _Could you possibly sit up so I could redress your bandages_?’

Wanting at least to provide Clay the comfort of lying on his back without pain; he needed to have a look at the knife wounds, making sure that they were healing okay, cleaning them and airing them before he put on another dressing.

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He answered with a nod, as Clay took his advice to breathe deeper, filling his lungs with oxygen in a steady but shaking rhythm. Placing his arms by his sides, to support his weight moving forwards. A guiding arm was placed across his shoulders, as Tony helped move him to sit again on the outskirts of the bed.

Gasping like a fish out of water when the sting of his pulsating ribs protested being re-organised.

The Latino boy quickly left from the bedroom going into the bathroom to pick up the med kit and brought it back. Standing in-front of Clay, who looked bleakly up at him. He cut away the bandages, re-administering an antiseptic once he was sure the incisions weren’t too deep to not heal by themselves.

 

Tony didn’t know whether to say that Clay was lucky, as the wounds would heal pretty quickly as long as it stayed clean, all traces of Bryce’s attack gone.

Or ask him to go to the hospital and have a full CT scan to make sure of the damage done to his ribs. Knowing that medically there wasn’t a lot you could do for fractured bones, having to wait for them to heal in its own time.

 

Thank god summer break was around the corner.

Standing to leave for the bathroom, whilst putting the bloody bandages into the bin, Tony was suddenly enveloped in a hug from behind. He grabbed the arms around his waist, turning to face Clay Jensen, all of the worlds suffering swimming in those pale grey eyes.

And stepped back into his embrace as the taller boy let out an unsteady breath.

_‘It’s going to get easier’_

He murmured into the other boys’ shoulder. Not really knowing if he was talking to himself or Clay.

 

_‘You promise?’_

Tony had first-hand knowledge of the difficulty in making and keeping promises, he hoped this one would be easier than all the rest. They both deserved it.

_‘I promise… Now, you hungry?’_

The question was easily answered when Clays stomach loudly protested how empty of contents it felt. They both smirked in amusement.

 

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Taking a while to first freshen up and look a little bit alive, they shared the routine in the bathroom.

It was Saturday mid/ latish morning. Because Tony had booked the two nights at the start of the weekends’ early hours he hadn’t needed to pay for the Friday, as it already had passed. Only now realising that they had very limited clothing to wear. Especially as most of Clays’ were covered with blood stains.

Luckily, Tony had a spare bag of clothes in his backseat, being used to dropping everything at any given time to be elsewhere. He handed the spares to Clay, not knowing if they would fit perfectly as he was that much shorter than the taller boy. But they managed to fit him reasonably well, loose enough not to damage his injuries.

 

Seeing Clay wearing his clothes, definitely had an effect on him.

Once he could get over the urge to rip them off, they both made their way to the diner. Stopping briefly so Clay could focus his breathing and not collapse because of straining to hard. Tony had to admit moving around was not going to help at all, but he could see no way of getting around it until he took Clay back home.

Where bed rest would then become his best friend, in the process of healing his body.

 

They sat across from one another, a stack of pancakes steaming in front of them.

Boasting its syrupy sweetness and calorie goodness. Never had carbs looked so good. Clay looked up from his half empty plate at Tony.

 

 _‘I’ve got some questions…’_ He began.

_‘Me too.’_

The shorter boy put down his favourite Brazilian Dark Roast, waiting to see who would go first.

 

_‘There not that serious, I think… depends how you look at it’_

He waited for Clay to carry on.

‘ _Do you know what happened to Alex Standall? I mean since a lot of shit has happened… I never got the chance to see how he was doing, I know it’s been a while but I never got around to checking in on him._ ’

 

Clay looked down in guilt, ashamed that he was only know asking after what had become of the boy.

Surprised at the question and even more astounded that the teen didn’t already know, Tony had to question him on what time-frame Clay was actually living in.

 

_‘Clay, what month is it?’_

There was a pause, before the boys’ head lifted, looking puzzled and equally un-nerved.

He didn’t actually know, the last date he could remember was May, so it had to easily be around there… Right?

He took a guess.

 

_‘End of May, early June?...’_

Before finally giving up the charade that he had any idea in the first place.

 _‘Okay so I have no idea what month it is, what does that have to do with anything?_ ’' 

 

Either there was a gap in Clays’ memory or he hadn’t been living his days like he was alive since then, Tony felt immeasurably guilty that he had lived like this.

In pain.

For so long, that he didn’t even know the date.

 

Wanting to rectify that he explained to the boy;

_‘Clay, its end of semester, summer break starts next week, June 20th’_

 

 _‘Oh’_ Came the reply.

‘ _And to answer your question about Alex…_

_Well, he’s alive, but the bullet he put in his brain did too much damage that he wouldn’t ever recover from…Not fully._

_He has full body paralysis, bellow the neck but still retained the ability to speak, last I heard he moved out of town_.’

 

He hated to be the bringer of bad news but at least Clay didn’t have Alex’s death on his conscience either.

He watched as the other boy looked despairingly at his half stack of pancakes, suddenly no longer hungry, plagued by the images of someone he knew unable to move any part of their body, it was emotionally distressing to think about at the least.

 

After a while he met Tony’s gaze again,

_‘And what about you and…’_

He paused again unsure of how sensitive the topic was and not wanting to continue. Up until now the other boy had also forgotten the role that Brad played in Tony’s life.

Considering what had happened last night, he had no idea.

 

 _‘Brad?_ ’

Tony let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding, expecting the question to be a lot more sinister for some reason...

 

‘ _We basically broke up a couple of weeks ago, when you left with… But officially he left state yesterday, moving closer to Uni, it never would’ve worked long distance_.’ He had refused to mention Bryce's name.

 

Clay’s involvement in their relationship during the tapes- he knew had started the rift between the two, also hung in the air, but neither of them mentioned anything.

The taller boy nodded.

 

‘Final one.’ Both of them knew where this was going, it was only a matter of time before Clay could finally have realised that it wasn’t a dream.

‘ _And last night… was freaking amazing’_ He smirked at the shorter boy across the table.

 

Not what he had expected.

 

Tony grinned back in response.

‘ _Was it Clay.?. Or was it fucking amazing?_ ’

Referencing the time way back when they had climbed the rock together, when Clay had first found out Tony was also gay. That seemed like an age ago.

 

 _‘Okay’_ He agreed. _‘It was fucking amazing. But what does that make this_?’

 

He gestured between them, the table feeling like a million miles away across a land of desolate pancakes and paper napkins.

When he wanted to be sat so close to the other, comforted in his familiarity, a home unlike any he had owned before.

 

 _‘Whatever you want it to be._ ’

Tony’s answer was simple, but sometimes the simplest answers were the best, also holding out for anything that Clay would add himself.

 

 _‘Definitely a thing._ ’ Tony quirked an eyebrow, this answer he had not been expecting from the “straight” Clay Jensen.

 _‘A thing?’_ Tony repeated.

 

_‘Definitely’_

Clay smirked into his pancakes, cold now but equally sweet and delicious, he was silenced but the mouth-watering taste. And amused at how astonished and clueless, the boy before him was. How he loved to surprise Tony.

Even now.

He made a point to do it more in the future.

 

The look was to priceless to lose. And he was never going to lose Tony.

Never.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry we didn't get to Tony's questions,
> 
> those are next :3 Promise.
> 
> Lets see how he thinks about Clays Schizophrenia >W<


	12. I created a Monster, A hell within my head,.. Awake me from my nightmare

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nightmare by Set It Off ^-^ 
> 
> Hope you guys like this, the chapters are getting longer each time xD

 I created a Monster, A hell within my head,.. Awake me from my nightmare

  **Chapter 12.Clay & Tony;**

><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>< 

 

When they had finished their food and left the Diner, Tony had all but carried Clay back into the room they were staying in.

 

_'Okay that's it no more moving for you, at least until you get back home'_

 

Knowing it was the best thing for the boy to do, he countered any attempts Clay made at trying to leave the bed.

_'Fine'_ He huffed, in defeat.

His breathing coming a lot easier than earlier, when he had been panting to avoid his ribs from hurting, but inadvertently making his body a lot more susceptible to chest infection.

 

After a while, Tony had thought Clay had dozed off- gathered by his closed eyes and unmoving body. Going to move and busy himself he was stopped.

' _Tony?'_

The eyes opened, looking up at him.

_˜You said you had questions right...? Shoot.'_

Postponing his trip, he instead clambered onto the bed; sitting next to Clay lying beside him. The temptation to ruffle his hair was excruciating. But as an alternative simply asked,

˜Are you sure? Like now? You can sleep first if you want...'

_˜Now. Then I'll sleep... if I can.'_

The reply was so Clay Jensen, it made him smile, demanding for everything to be done as quickly as possible.

 

The Latino boy frowned.

Tony knew by saying what information he was going to ask for, the taller boy would immediately regret even querying. Wanting to shut him out again, to save himself the feeling of guilt or embarrassment that he knew Clay suffered from.

Here goes.

Apart from assuming the worse that had been done to Clay, he would simply ask, hoping that the answer was less bad than he had imagined.

It wasn't meant to be.

_'Okay,... When did Bryce rape you?'_

 

Tony knew he hit a nerve, when the body next to him stiffened.

He saw the boy blink a couple of times before answering.

 

' _Two weeks ago, he did apologise to me... I just missed out the bit afterwards...Technically.'_

Tony knew full well he didn't just miss out that bit, it had to be bad.

' _The bit afterwards'_ He prompted Clay.

 

><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>< 

 

Clay knew this had been coming, time to open-up.

Jeff would be happy.

' _And sooner or later the truth will come out. Here's your truth helmet, let it out.'_

His words left Hannah's mouth as she stood crouched at the end of the bed.

 

The bit afterwards that he tried so hard to forget, and his nightmares that made him remember all over again.

 

His tiny voice projecting into the heavy air around him. Zoning out completely, just so the words would flow out easier.

 

' _I made a mistake, I drank something he gave me. It was drugged, of course it fucking was. Part of me didn't care anymore._

_That changed when I woke up, I don't really need to go into detail for you to guess what happened.'_

_But after he finished...He just left me there bleeding, he didn't care at all._

_..._

_That was why I called in sick for a couple of days._

 

_He tore me apart, knowing that he would get away with it, that I wouldn't say anything, I felt so fucking used Tony, he broke me.'_

 

He hadn't realised until now that he had been crying.

Clay hated it.

He had done so much crying as of late, he felt completely shattered.

 

He felt a bush of a hand wiping them away, and uselessly smiled up at the boy, more like a stuttering grimace. As more wetness cascaded over his face.

 

A few moments later and he had calmed again, Clay felt his hand being grabbed he looked over to his right to see Jeff, knelt beside the bed.

Giving looks of encouragement, he supposed.

Tony hated hearing this, hated seeing how  crushed he was. But he needed to see it through. Lay it all out plainly, a purge of his emotions that he had evidently bottled up for some time.

_'_ _When did you start self-harming and why Clay? Is that why you skipped gym? Because I know for a fact that even the happier you wouldn't go to a place like outreach.'_

 

Tony's voice sounded hurt and in pain, the opposite of what Clay had wanted through all of this. He hated to see such a familiar figure in his life be aching because of what he had been trying to protect him from.

 

'Yes, _t_ _hat was the reason I skipped Gym. I was fed up of not being able to sleep, forgetting to eat, having shitty nightmares that made me paranoid, I just wanted to stop thinking Tony._

_It was an outlet,..._

_It was a purgatory for everything I had done wrong in my life, or failed to do and it was a place I could escape to_

_and just forget,_

_forget everything._

_..._ _It never lasted long enough. '_

><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>< 

 

Seconds ticked by, minutes as they sat by each other.

Until Tony broke the silence.

 

' _I have nightmares too Clay, and in all of them I couldn't save you from jumping off that cliff, and I couldn't stop Hannah from bleeding out._

 He had half a mind to tell the other boy how he had been with Hannah the night she was raped and how he failed to help her.

 

' _But you did save me Tony, twice over, I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you'_ Came the reply. 

The final question.

Tony been dreading this one the most, feeling like it would have provoked the worst answer so far, but the Latino boy had to know to be able to help.

_'_ _Clay..._

_Who's they?_

_Last night you said, I'm so glad they made me call you,..._

_Who made you call me Clay?'_

><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>< 

 

Clay had thought Tony was asleep when he had thought of that, not realising until after,that he had said it aloud.

But no reaction had come from the boy beside him, so he had assumed that Tony didn't hear it.

 

What a fool he was.

 

Not wanting to look up at him, when explaining this revelation, Clay inched his body upwards. Resting it on the headboard beside his best friend.

Leaning slightly into his frame.

 

There sat in-front of him, perched on the edge of the bed was none other than the trio he was going to talk about.

Jeff having moved from his side, was situated on Clays' right Hannah in the middle and Skye beside her.

 

All waiting patiently for his answer.

 

' _I don't know if it was a coping method Tony, or if I really just lost my shit after everything but they are Skye, Hannah and Jeff._

_Sat at the fucking end of the bed'_

He gestured to where they were sitting.

 

_'_ _And I know you are going to find this ridiculous, i know that they aren't real, but I talk to them and hang out with them, when I was skipping gym, in the halls, in the cafeteria, every-fucking where I go._

 

_It's just like they're not actually dead._

_Which feels a lot better than knowing they are actually dead and that I'm going insane._

_Because they are right there Tony, they were helping in the background when no-one else could._

_They made me call you._

_But I don't want to lose them again, I don't want to forget them.'_

Tony looked heartbroken, staring at the end of the bed, unable to see what Clay obviously did.

The three of his friends together.

He hadn't entirely expected an answer quite like this, but he was grateful to them for talking sense into the human being next to him.

 

But how could he explain to Clay that it was healthier to move on when he had no one left but Tony? And all the people he knew and loved where still in his life.

 

Be it slightly more imagined than actual.

This was going to be harder than he first though.

 

But for Clay he would do whatever he could to help him, that he knew for certain.

 

As he felt the boys' consciousness give way, sliding onto him, Tony ended up with a lapful of an insentient Clay Jensen.

 

Holding him close, a safety net in the darkness.

' _You won't forget them, not ever'_ He whispered into Clays ear.

 

><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>< 

 

Clay was sinking in on himself again, having opened-up to Tony he now felt emotionally vulnerable- not physically like earlier.

He was half certain that once the boy had an idea of how absolutely and totally broken he truly was, Tony would decide to leave him.

 

 Not wanting to be affiliated with him anymore.

 

The wrecked Clay Jensen, insane enough to conjure up his dead friends to talk too and scarred enough that he couldn't walk without pain. He was a useless person. Undeserving of this life, meaninglessly given to him.

 

But that was not the case.

Tony stayed.

 

He was silent, but his presence was more than assuring.

 

Clay looked over at the end of the bed again, to see that they had gone.

Whether it was symbolic or a sign of the boys' sanity returning to him he couldn't care anymore.

 

He felt exhausted and drained, the emotional turmoil having taken its own toll, on top of his battered body.

 

He slipped into a dreamless sleep, or rather passed out, cascading onto Tony as gravity weighed him down.

Wanting for the world to right itself by morning.

 

And hoping that he would still have Tony by his side when he woke up.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kay so I promise I will eventually pick up the pace again, I have some more drama lined up :3
> 
> It might take a while to get there but I could wrap it up quicker to get there if I do a time cut?
> 
> Maybe?  
> We'll just have to see.


	13. Getting hard to sleep But it is in my dreams But it's killing me To try and figure it out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clay was woken by his phone vibrating on the bedside table.
> 
> He reached over and picked it up, seeing that the caller was his mum didn’t surprise him as much as knowing that it was Monday morning.
> 
> “shit” 
> 
> ‘Hey mom’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it's been so long! :( 
> 
> And this chapter is also short >W<
> 
> I only managed to get it done because i'm out of school sick :3
> 
> It gets a bit fluffier over summer break I reckon. It might take a while to get there lol =^-^= 
> 
> Song is Figure It Out By Royal Blood ( I love these guys if ur into rock/ alternative they are new and amazing so pls check them out u wont regret it)

Chapter 13 Clay & Tony

 

**Getting hard to sleep.** **But it is in my dreams.** **But it's killing me .** **To try and figure it out**

‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘

Clay was woken by his phone vibrating on the bedside table.

He reached over and picked it up, seeing that the caller was his mum didn’t surprise him as much as knowing that it was Monday morning.

_“shit”_

_‘Hey mom’_

Rubbing his head instinctively, waiting for the barrage of questions he knew would soon be voiced. As on que a long stream of profanities were shouted down the line. He held the receiver at arms-length as Tony walked through the door. Raising an eyebrow in question Tony stared at the phone and more importantly listening to the screaming coming from it.

Grinning when he could distinguish Lainie’s voice.

_‘Good luck with that’_

Was all that was offered to the embarrassed teen.

 

Clay sighed in defeat, the noise somewhat dimming down, he faced his mothers’ rage.

Yes-ing and no-ing to her questions which seemed to last a lifetime. Lainie seemed exhausted but equally enraged at her sons’ inability to look after himself, agreeing to have a ‘Talk’ when her prodigal son actually came home as she also had to explain Clays’ absence at school.

Finally running out of steam a loud humph sounded signalling that her piece had ended.

‘ _Hey mum… I’m gonna start going back to my doctor…’_ The words left Clay's mouth before he realised he had said them.

It was a start and one that she appreciated a lot

 

_'Good idea Helmet'_ He briefly flicked his eyes up to meet Hannah's, who had only just appeared.

. Getting a similar reaction from the Puerto Rican sat on the other side of the bed, nodding in agreement. Clay could only roll his eyes at the both of them.

_‘Love you’_

_‘Love you too, you infuriating hormonal teenager’_

_‘Mum! Oh god just stop, see you in a bit… Bye’_

 

_‘Well that went swell’_

 

‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘

Tony didn’t have to redress Clays’ bandages as it had finally scabbed over, seeing the inscription still twisted his insides; knowing that Clay will probably never bring it up at home, or maybe ever again.

_‘So… How are you going to explain this?’_

He gestured towards the purple bruises over Clays ribs and abdomen.

_‘Well, I could be mean and blame it on a climbing accident where I had no ropes or guidelines thanks to your supervision and fell " **breaking a lot of shit** ", but then she would definitely never let me see you again. So umm maybe tree climbing? I guess is my next best bet…’_

 

‘ _Why don’t you just tell her the truth Clay? Could it honestly be so devastating if she knows about it?_ ’' Clay flinched.

 

‘ _Oh yeah hi mum I just got my ass handed to me by yours truly Bryce Walker, you know the rapist your working a case against, who may also have had said piece of ass. Yeah, great, obviously that’s’ the way to go. Are you serious Tony!? It was… It’s bad enough that you know -out of everybody…’_

Clay knew he was still rambling, on the verge of being hysterical at the thought of his mother finding out about Bryce but that ship had sailed long ago. He was just hoping to bury it so far behind him and ‘Move On’ like Mr.Porter told Hannah too.

 

Tony just sat and listened, like he always did.

_‘Okay so not that then._ ’

The unhelpful Yoda that he always was to Clay was both the best and worst trait in his friend.

 

Twisting to move further up the bed Clay forget his current ailment of bruised and damaged ribs, hissing in pain as his head flopped back onto the mattress. Gaining a look of sympathy from Tony.

_‘Do you think we should start heading back now?_ ’ The Latino boy asked, seeing that it was creeping close to mid-day already.

_‘I don’t want to, but I know you’re going to take me home anyway._ ’ Clay supplied.

_‘Well I don’t see you biking at all in the near future’_ Sarcasm practically dripping from his wide grin.

_‘Fine… Could you carry me again?_ ’' Clay asked with slight hesitance

‘I would love too.’

 

‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘

In another world away Clay found himself woken up outside his house, not really knowing how he got there in the first place.

Everything slightly blurred and fuzzy around the edges as he rebooted.

Blinking to clear the fuzziness he looked up at Tony offering a hand out of the car.

 

Unclipping his seatbelt, and sliding out the seat he grasped onto Tony’s hand slightly leaning his weight onto the smaller boy, as they stumbled up the steps. Pausing at the front door, Clay looked down at his companion.

_‘I never told you…I never said thank you for what you did…So thank you,_ ’

Stuttering and feeling slightly at loss for words he hoped the meaning was still acknowledged. Of course it was.

‘I’ll _always be here Clay for you, whatever you need… But please never do something like that again. Like ever, at all’_

_‘I won’t, I promise, and I’m sorry, no more secrets, I'm done._ ’

With one firm squeeze of Tony’s hand Clay turned to go inside, entering through the door and letting out a shaky breath.

 

He needed to lie down again.

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**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I know its short and my ill ridden brain came up with it so meh
> 
> hope you like it xD
> 
> Much love <3 <3


	14. Oh can you tell me, can you tell me... the way its meant to work?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Its been so long!
> 
> I'm so sorry >W<
> 
> But here have this :3
> 
> Song is The Engish Dub of "Unravel" used as the intro to Tokyo Ghoul Season 1 (imma weeaboo shhh) xD

**Chapter 15:**

 

**_Oh can you tell me, can you tell me... the way its meant to work?_ **

 

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It had been some weeks since Clay had been home from the 'Tree Ordeal' as his parents named it. Knowing only of the climbing accident as supposed to the real truth.

The real truth being that their son was dealing with his own monsters feebly caged within his cranium.

Some of those were very real indeed, like Bryce Walker.

 

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Many weeks of incessant nagging, by the parents.

 

_To stay in bed Clay,_

_Eat this Clay,_

_Don't sleep like that it's bad for posture Clay._

 

Even Tony was joining in on occasion. The insufferable nurturer that he is. Although the tall boy didn't mind as he was barely strong enough to traverse the stairs. Staying perfectly still was at the top of his priority.

 

His ribs eventually became but a dull ache and a distant long forgotten memory. Long forgotten only when nightmares didn't plague his dreams. 

 

Clay even upheld his promise on seeing Dr.Elman, be it a sporadic home visit every now and again, but the help was appreciated.

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At some point during the Summer Break, Clay ventured as far as going outside as his strength and balance began returning. 

Once again touring their small town with Tony. But this time with a pair of fresh eyes. Seeing once dull scenery spring to life in kaleidoscopic colours.

 

Invigorated and free, from prying eyes and judging looks passed between classmates in Liberty High.

 

He would like to think that he was seeing less of the ghostly trio, which in truth Clay probably was. But fleeting glimpses at the corner of his eye suggested otherwise. Not that he minded, their presence was reassuring but less physical than before.

That was an improvement right?

 

Between them, both Clay and Tony shied away from the rest of the familiar students in town. most of the seniors had already parted for greener pastures at their new respective colleges. Some out of state others had apprenticeships situated in town.

The good news being that Bryce Walker was well and truly gone. And no more was ever to be said on that matter, a mutual agreement comprised of no words but only stares from himself and the Latino boy. 

 

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Clay Jensen was back.

 

No longer the boy who was falling from his feet in swoon of Hannah Baker.

 

And yet not the misguided teenager who had struggled in the grips of "The Black Dog " after Bryce and a reality crisis in which figments of his imagination tried to cope with the loss of his friends .

 

Further still, the broken beaten down empty husk that had fled to the cliff in hopes of joining its all consuming dark abyss was also gone .

 

He was well and truly back and shining brighter as every day passed. Better still, Clay had possibly the best man he had ever known by his side.

Tony who continuously endeavoured to aid his struggling friend.

His newfound significant other.

 

.... Was that too formal?

Clay couldn't care less, he was happy and content at last.

 

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**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More drama Llama to be coming soon I hope :3
> 
> What did you think 
> 
> ^-^


	15. Give me a sign, I want to believe. There's nothing wrong with just a taste of what you paid for

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It been so long I'm so sorry

**Chapter 15:**

**Give me a sign, I want to believe. There's nothing wrong with just a taste of what you paid for**

 

**~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^**

 

Clay;

 

It had been 3 weeks since he had gotten back from the Motel with Tony.

3 weeks his ribs had been healing, his mind too had also begun to improve.

Or at least that's what Clay wanted to believe.

 Tony visited most days than not, keeping the other entertained, whilst he was immobile in bed. 

 

Primarily with games, movies, snacks and any other conversation that came to mind at the time. 

But also Entertained by other activities too. 

^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^

His parents had been beyond relieved when he admitted to his mental health issue. Well admitted being  more like suggested, because he wasn't entirely sold on the talking thing just yet.  

But it was a step in the right direction, if there was one. Tony said it was, and whatever Tony says goes. 

The unhelpful yoda that he is. 

 

Clay hadn't began any form of councilling or therapy yet due to his "tree climbing accident". If his parents had  suspected anything else it wasn't shown in how they acted. 

^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~

  If he was being honest with himself, which usually he wasn't he was seeing less of Skye and Hannah and Jeff too. 

  It was unknown to him whether this was a good development or a bad one. With every day that passed and the familiar faces no longer appeared or spoke, Clay was feeling a little more lonely.  

But he had Tony. 

In ways he guessed, that had never occurred to him before. 

**^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^**

 It had been another week into Summer break before Clay braved stairs. 

Or more explicitly climbing down them. 

He was half tempted to sit on his butt, and slide the way down until  he realised that carpet burn was equally as bad, if not worse than chest pain. 

Gradually movement was easier. Regaining an appetite rather forcefully from both Lainie and Tony. 

 

His gaunt, haunted look no longer brandished his face or gait.

A lighter aura surrounding him, with even lighter air that made breathing all the more easier. 

 

^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^

If anything he was looking forward to exploring his new found relationship with Tony. 

Even though he knew the Latino boy was openly gay with a supportive Christian family, Clay was unsure as to how the conversation with his parents of being Bisexual would turn out. 

If anything he knew his dad would be accepting as he too was "once a collage kid", but that was another event in itself that he wasn't yet ready for. 

As well as that, there was the unsurety of being back at school and in an open relationship that everyone would eventually find out about. PDA much? Clay wasn't sure.

 

He voiced these concerns to Tony sometimes, but like always he gave not helpful advice which somehow surrounded equally corrected and considerate. 

Clay had no idea how Tony could spout such wise wisdom and shit and preceeded to tell him so on many an occasion. Either whilst driving around town or sat in companionable silence. 

For once life had looked alot brighter during the weeks they had off in Summer. Even though he barely moved most of the time. 

 

^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^

Slowly the signs of Fall began to arrive.  As the leaves crisped and faded to burnt oranges and umber colours, it signified the beginning of the end of the holidays. 

 

By this time all of the scars Clay once adorned had faded, leaving only phantom pain during some unpleasant nightmares or an ache of the memory when it had been placed there. 

Like the distinct scar tissue traced alongside his back where Bryce had once carved him open.

 

Tony said it didn't bother him, the scars, the memories. 

Clay could see  plainly through the lie, as the Puerto Rican boys' eyes would flash with fierce anger and his brow creased whenever Bryce's name was mentioned.

Or sometimes just imagined and yet the reaction was the same. 

 

The taller boy still favoured his boyfriends Mustang rather than the memories tied to his bike and decided that on their first day back, they would start the year of with a traditional car ride. 

And coffee stop at monets' before beginning senior year. 

Both agreed. 

 

Even so the holidays finished in a blurr of food, films and rest. And all too quickly the term began again. 

 

But what lay in store would be the worst yet, that the students had faced in Liberty High. 

^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's probs short cause I'm writing this at 12 in the morning just to kick start my writers block.
> 
> It's probably terrible with so many typos. 
> 
> Not beta'd so meh
> 
> <3


	16. Easy like a Sunday Morning,

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last one was short :3. ;  
> I'm sorry idk how long they are gonna be any more,  
> but as long as I'm writing its productive right xD
> 
> right? >W<
> 
> Song is self explanatory I hope :P

**Chapter 16 :**

 

_**Easy Like a Sunday Morning:** _

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As Clays' Doctor had been suggesting, the boy began to write a small diary to recount everything he was thankful for and what he was looking forward to. Some days it would be a complex literary of an event that had happened others a bucket list of future wishes.

On occasion a poem or two slipped between the handwritten lines. Exploring a creative side with words rather than the bunny motifs he usually drew.

 

Today for example, he was spending time with the fabulous Tony. 

 It had been a while since he had seen anything of the Latino Boy, mainly because he had spent most of it in the mechanical clutches of his dads garage.

Fixing, tinkering and engineering? 

Who knew? More importantly Clay didnt know. 

At all. 

Like anything to do with motorised vehicles that wasnt a form of cycle, be it Uni, Bi or Tricycle. 

But today, was exceptionally important a milestone if you will to his recovery. The chance to cycle over to the Padilla's household.

He had explained or rather debated against Lainie in particular about his plan. Describing the importance of his independence  especially since it had been denied to him during the bed rest. In which she gradually acquiesced.

. -. -. -. -. -. -. -. -. -. -. -. -. -. -. -. -. -. -. -. -. -. -. -. -. 

Presently, Clay was only about a street away from his destination when the chain from his bike loosened from its gear and flung itself into the open with a loud Crunch. 

A less than dignified quick dismount was called for; which only scratched Clays' ankles as the metal pedal bit into his acheles. 

Slightly hobbling, he walk the broken bike the rest of the way. Astounded that it continued to break, even though it had been fixed merely some time before. 

Once he neared the drive, he looked up to see Tony's mustang gleaming in the summer sun. 

Had it been repainted? 

Or had it really been so long since Clay last set his eyes upon the beauty?

In any case, the owner of the fine machinery, heard his approach and cocked his head out of the bonnet. Which was currently raised to enable adjustments to be made on the motor.

 

. -. -. -. -. -. -. -.  -. -. -. -. -. -. -. -. -. -. -. -. -. -. -. 

Oil soaked and flushed, Tony swiped away at a loose curl that had escaped across his eye. Grinning at both the new arrival and the state of his chosen transport.

Seeing the look that his bike was given Clay sighed in defeat. 

_"don't even start, it packed up just around the corner, I'm starting to think that I'll forever be cursed with machines"_

_"That's why you leave the machines to me novio_

_Don't want to be damaging you any more do we?"_

Hearing the word damaged in a sentence directed at him made Clay wince. He knew that Tony was joking at his absolute inability to function around any form of moving metal, but all the same he hated being reminded of the very 'damage' he had gone through.

Seeing Clay flinch because of the last comment made Tony's eyes soften in both pain and guilt. 

_"hey mi amor, you know I don't mean it like that. You won't ever be damaged to me Clay, not ever. Perfectly dorky and nerdy but no not damaged. "_

He walked over to the tall boy, who was pondering the cracks in the cement to avoid looking up at his friends dissaponted face.

. -. -. -. -. -. -. -. -. -. -. -. -. -. -. -. -. -. -. -. -. - 

Clay was enveloped in a hug, he eagerly reciprocated. Squeezing Tony and nestling his face into the shorter boys' neck. The smell of Oil and Tony assaulting his senses but it was a scent he had missed for a long while.

Breathing deeply to calm his nerves. 

Stepping away, the Puerto Rican continued to entwine their fingers together. 

_'okay food first, then movie? Or I could always find another way of entertaining you tonight?...'_

'Food sounds great and I don't intend to miss seeing the latest Star Wars in cinema. Thank you very much but ill have to decline that offer. Who knows unhelpful yoda  you might even see your relative in the Last Jedi' 

 

He smirked back at Tony. 

 

Yes tonight is something Clay definitely will be grateful for.

And he wouldn't want anything else in the world apart from a home made Padilla tortilla and watching an amazing film with the one person he valued above all else... 

Tonight will be fun indeed. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little fluff before semester starts...
> 
>  
> 
> Dun...  
> Dun... Dunnnnnn xD


	17. Work In Progress Coming gup

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not a chapter >W< sorry guys its been a hell of a long while.

Hio !

Yes I exist ^-^ sorry for disappearing for a long ... long .. kinda longish time but hey look whos here...  
dun  
dun  
dunnnnnnn

yes its me, sorry to disappoint xD

Anyways, season 2 came out so yes that's a good place to pick up again right? 

lets get this slow show back on the road bois!!!!!


	18. Call my Name And Save Me From The Dark:

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You ready?’   
> Tony looked over to the boy beside him cautiously. Was he ready? The Latino boy hadn’t told him some of the news he heard over summer, which was kind of very important and well difficult.   
> Bryce hadn’t transferred … He was still at Liberty High at least until the trial ended.  
> And Clay didn’t know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kay Lets go guys!
> 
> Season 2 is like most of it is canon I have a different ending though   
> so they're gonna be shortish? and like hopefully not boring >W<  
> If they are I'm sooorrywyyy '-' .-.

**Call my Name And Save Me From The Dark: **

(Evanescence Bring me To Life)

**Season 2 Chapter One: (Tyler’s Trial)**

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_“You ready?’_

 

Tony looked over to the boy beside him cautiously.

 

Was he ready?

The Latino boy hadn’t told him some of the news he heard over summer, which was kind of very important and well difficult.

Bryce hadn’t transferred …

He was still at Liberty High at least until the trial ended.

And Clay didn’t know.

 

Speaking of Clay, he continued to stare out of the window and watch the students filter into the halls, breathing steadily and deeply.

With a slow blink and the shake of a head, he looked over.

_‘Yeah I think I’m gonna be okay, new beginnings and all that right?’_

A small smile tugged at his cheeks, a glint sparking in his eyes.

Tony smiled back in delight, maybe he should just warn him about Bryce’s return or should he let sleeping dogs lie?

 

Grabbing hold of Clays’ hand, he prepared himself to deliver the news.

‘ _Right… Hey Clay, there’s something I need to.’_

 

But just in that instant his words were cut short by the roaring sound of a Mercedes pulling into the schools parking lot. Teeming with blue Jock jumpers belonging to the baseball team.

The baseball team including Bryce and his new “Partner” Chloe.

Clay at once was captured by the sight of him staring in shock.

Tony tried to comfort his boyfriend to no avail.

‘ _Mierda, Clay I was going to tell you, but I didn’t think you were ready._

_Bryce._

_He well, he didn’t transfer after all he’s here until the trial is over. I won’t let him anywhere near you, he won’t hurt you again I promise’_

Tony was indebted to keep his promises especially if it involved Clay.

However, he wasn’t given a reaction, with a quick squeeze of his hand, Clay was out the Mustang and striding towards the doors.

Head held high and a slight resounding limp in his right leg which made Tony wince.

 

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What did Tony mean Bryce hadn’t transferred!

Clay started to panic when he saw the Rapist jump out the car, heading towards the school’s entrance.

Why hadn’t Tony told him, this was not the new start he was hoping for.

Without thinking he leapt out of the red mustang walking towards the front doors.

He could hide in his locker until first period started.

 

It had been months.

His wounds had healed.

He was healing.

Clay wasn’t going to give Bryce the satisfaction of seeing him broken…

At least not again.

 

Opening his locker, a polaroid slipped out from beneath his hand, resting on the floor.

Leaning down to pick it up, he could make out the words,

**“Hannah wasn’t the only one”.**

 

Turning it over, Clay jumped.

Bryce.

Standing over the unconscious form of a girl, her legs spread wide open arms dangling by her sides. Face obscured by his looming frame.

And just like that…

Clay was back, in Bryce’s bedroom, being torn apart.

Panting heavily, Clay blinked the image out of his eyes; rubbing them furiously to rid the tear marks that he knew were escaping down his face.

He could do this, Clay Jensen wasn’t afraid, he was angry.

Angry at Bryce, angry at the world.

He wouldn’t be broken again.

 

_‘You go helmet! Tell that son of a bitch!’_

Hannah?

Clay hadn’t seen her since the night in the motel, blushing at the thought.

He turned and there she stood before him, glowing, radiating as ever.

He thought they had gone. Well Jeff and Skye had, but Hannah she never really left did she?

‘ _Looks like you’ve got another mystery on your hands huh? Mind if I tag along again?_ ’

Her hair resting perfectly, every detail of her face fell perfectly, and yet he knew she wasn’t there at all.

 

It was like nothing had changed and yet so much had happened.

The subpoenas had gone out, Tyler was in Trial today.

Everything was going to get resolved and everyone could move on….

But not Clay, at least not yet.

He had to make Bryce pay.

 

‘ _Find out who the girl is in the picture Clay, find out where they are’._

He had a mission, and Clay wouldn’t fail Hannah again, he’ll see Bryce gets his comeuppance and put him behind bars for a long while yet.

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	19. Give Me All Your Poison And Give Me All Your Pills, And Give Me All Your Hopeless Hearts And Make Me Ill.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woot another one!  
> (Thank you for the Venom My Chem)  
> ^-^ hope its okay..

**Chapter 2: Give Me All Your Poison And Give Me All Your Pills, And Give Me All Your Hopeless Hearts And Make Me Ill.**

(courtney’s trial)

 

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Tony knew the part he had played when keeping those tapes had affected the Baker’s parents greatly.

Some days he wished to go back and redo it differently.

Maybe the events that had happened so far would’ve happened differently.

 

Like Clay for example.

Maybe he never would’ve been hurt.

And if Tony knew of anyway to save that boy from more hurt he would do it in a heartbeat.

 

It had been a few days after they had started back at Liberty, Clay was still very volatile around the halls and Bryce in particular.

Tony was fuelled with rage and spite, every time he saw Clay hurt knowing that it was due to the painful memories Bryce had inflicted on him.

 

‘ _Hey Tony could you fix this shelf for me please?_ ’

Olivia called from across the room.

Tony meanwhile flitted out of his train of thought and finished fitting the lights under the cupboard he was looking into.

Walking across to Olivia, spanner in hand.

_‘Of course, Mrs. Baker, glad I can be of any help at all’_

He joyfully replied.

 

As he busied himself fixing the shelf Olivia started reminiscing memories of Hannah both painful and beautiful to hear.

After Olivia hadn’t agreed to a settlement the trail against the school had begun and Tony had gravitated to her side as best as he could to support her during what he knew would be a difficult time for everyone involved.

Especially since Andy had left her and they were in the stages of divorce.

 

Today was Courtney’s trail, many of the students would be called to the stand he knew, but Clay wasn’t one of them.

As far as he knew.

The holiday they had just shared he would never forget both from how it began with Clay’s attempted suicide but also what followed after.

He had never assumed that could be a possibility.

His very straight friend, who had experienced some vary violent and sexual assaults to be willing to be anywhere near another form of male.

Least of all Tony himself, and yet their relationship was one of a very strong bond.

Perhaps it was due to their shared history or to how Clay was coping after Hannah and the tapes, but whatever had sparked this outcome he was grateful for.

For it meant that he could be closer to his greatest friend.

To protect him and to love him.

He already valued him above all else.

 

With that though Tony had become distracted and Olivia could see the smitten and desirous look Tony beamed.

‘ _I haven’t seen Brad around in a while… What’s up with that then if I may ask?_ ’

Tony’s bubble burst.

Back to real life.

‘ _Oh nothing really much to say, we broke up a while back. He moved out of state, so there’ that.’_

 

He rushed the conversation to dive back into finishing the shelf as soon as possible.

Conversations about relationships was not his forte.

 

_‘Is there anyone else that I should know about?’_

She smirked, seeing his embarrassed reaction consolidated her thoughts.

‘ _Come one Padilla you can’t keep anything from me, who is the lucky fella?’_

As if by a miracle, the entrance bell dinged, and a customer walked through the door.

But not just anyone.

The tall form was most definitely one resembling Clay Jensen.

 

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                Clay still couldn’t figure out who the girl was, or the location of the Polaroid and it was stressing him out.

Without any clues or leads this was a useless piece of evidence in Bryce’s case.

 

On top of that it was Courtney’s trial.

The defendant for Liberty was such a vicious predator, she even made Courtney publicly admit her sexuality.

Of course, they were all there to support her but the angle that the lawyer presented didn’t help the trial or anyone at all.

And it completely frustrated Clay endlessly; especially since Tyler’s trial had uncovered a secret relationship that Hannah had been sexting someone!?

Clay didn’t know what the truth was anymore.

 

However, when he had gone to ask Tyler about the polaroid thinking he was the one who used the camera, he not only found out it wasn’t Tyler who took the photo but also that the people in the polaroid were ex-seniors from the baseball team.

The stories were all twisting Clay thought he'd suffocate in their grip.

 

Avoiding Bryce had been easy so far, he had been keeping his head down through this trial business.

Probably being advised by his legal team that ‘rich daddy’ was taking care of for him.

It had barely been a week and all of Clay’s energy had drained out of him, Hannah wasn’t helping either.

Hovering where Clay went, whispering facts about the case, her tapes, what Clay should be doing and everything he wasn’t doing.

Exasperated and annoyed he shouted at her from on his bed,

_‘I’m doing the best I can, I’m trying so hard Hannah! More than anyone, for you. Only you. So give me a break would you’_

She looked sour for a while then retreated in silence.

A little piece of mind wouldn’t go amiss, the trials had started to rile everyone up at school as well.

It was hard enough as it is to stay clear headed without a ghost following him permanently around like a lost puppy.

 

Needing fresh air, Clay had decided to pedal out on his bike – that had been fixed by his truly "Tony the hot mechanic Padilla".

Thinking again of this new aspect of his life he decided to go to Mrs. Baker’s pharmacy to see if he could steal his boyfriend back from Olivia; as Tony said he’d be helping her out this afternoon.

Although it hurt to go there he knew it was a way to heal and move forward with his life both because of Hannah's death and his own attempted suicide tied with the history of the building.

 

Leaving his bike chained outside, Clay spotted the red mustang immediately and smiled with the comfort and familiarity it brought him.

Swinging open the door, he spotted Tony fixing Olivia’s shelves and smiled.

_‘Hey Tony, hey Mrs. Baker’_

They each exchanged a look and Tony made a brief nod at Olivia who looked back at Clay and immediately lit up.

Did he miss something?

 

_‘Hia Clay!_ ’

Olivia looked back to Tony hiding himself underneath the shelves.

‘ _I wouldn’t know what to do without Tony here, helping me out, he is such a handyman isn’t he_’

Olivia smirked at Clay, as the realisation dawned on him.

Meanwhile Tony bashed his head at the mention of being called a handy man, looking over at Clay to see his reaction also.

They both shared a look and burst out laughing.

‘ _Yeah he really is a handy Man to have around, I wouldn’t know what I’d do without him either_’


	20. Does the pain weigh out the pride as you look for a place to hide, you’re in ruins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And another, don't care if its shite, i'll re-read them later xD
> 
> doing like a chapter every half/hour or so yup ik weird right ;3   
> Anyway song time = 21 guns Green Day ^-^ woot woot

**Season 2 Chapter 3:**

Does the pain weigh out the pride as you look for a place to hide, you’re in ruins.

_**(Jessica trial)** _

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        Today was especially difficult, for Clay, for Jessica and for the trial.

Jessica was on the stand.

Clay and Tony seated amid the other witnesses to watch and support her testimony.

This,

This would be the beginning of Bryce’s downfall Clay just knew it.

 

Apart from it wasn't.

The lawyer spun a tale of jealousy and deceit that Hannah had against Alex and Jessica.

That their friendship wasn’t as cookie cut as it seemed.

Not like anyone’s ever was.

Bryce hadn’t even been mentioned, the defendants ignored most of Jessica's pleas about the school's bullying and she bottled talking about the night of the Party at the last minute.

She didn’t want her world to be broken and crumble around her, Clay finally understood that.

But still it pained him to know, that yet again justice was unserved. 

After it had ended, and everyone left deflated, Clay and Tony stood outside in the waiting area for Jess to be released from Oath.

_‘Clay, you know… maybe if you testified… About Bryce, they could charge him a lot easier._

_I know that’s a lot for you, but maybe it would help? You know?_ ’

He looked quizzically at Clay, cautious that the memories were still fresh and unlike Jessica, Clay had been well aware of what transposed that night and especially hadn’t consented even the assault afterward would be enough to charge Bryce.

 

‘ _No, Tony, what no!_

_How would that help anything?_

_I_ _f anything it would make everything worse! You saw what they did to Jess, to Courtney they’ll just twist it so much they’d… he’d make it look like I wanted it or that it didn’t even happen in the first place because “ **Bryce doesn’t swing his heavenly baseball bat that way”.** _

_No Tony._

_That is not.. I don’t want to be torn apart or looked at...like that.. ever again._

_It wouldn’t help me or Jess or anyone._

_So just drop it okay.’_

 

Clay was doing his best to lower his voice but the panic returned.

He imagined his parents, his mum Lainie finding out. The kids at school, he would be bullied for years about being Bryce’s Boy Toy.

He did not want that future.

And Clay knew that, that is what would happen if people found out his truth.

 

‘ _Maybe Tony is right Clay, after all what’s the worst that could happen right, you get raped again?_

_If anything it’s another charge against Bryce. You did say you wanted justice_.’

 

Hannah stood beside Tony, bickering and berating Clay for being weak and not standing for the justice she deserved all because he wanted to preserve his masculinity and image.

Her spite and anger astounded him.

 

_‘Its not like that and you know it!’_

 

He said to her, realising that Jess -who had just joined the group- and Tony stood bewildered as to who he was talking to.

 

Quickly he turned and left, needing to escape, needing to feel free and not trapped and confined with his fears.

Clay paced the street a few times, passing the entrance to the court house.

And once his nerves had settled he found Tony waiting in his beauty. The mustang’s passenger door opened and Clay hopped in.

 

He didn’t want to talk.

He looked like he didn’t want to talk, but Clay knew Tony wouldn’t let this drop.

 

_‘She’s back isn’t she? How long?”_

Clay looked sullenly at the dashboard compartment, unwillingly to meet Tony’s compassionate gaze.

‘ _How long Clay?’_

This time it was said in a whisper , as if he were afraid to know the answer, that she had never left in the first place.

But Clay had wanted him to believe he wasn’t insane and it was true she had gone for a little while.

 

‘ _Since the start of the trials, she said she’d leave after it had all blown over. But she gets into my head sometimes._ ’

‘ _It’s not like last time Tony, she’s different, she’s angry. Upset, with me, with my actions._

_And I’m angry all the time and the only way to fix it is to get justice for Hannah, to put Bryce behind bars, to settle the trial._

_And its just so hard Tony. I feel like I', failing her because I'm getting nowhere’_

 

Clay spewed out all his inner thoughts that had been cooped up, locked inside his foggy, hazy brain.

Hoping that maybe Tony could make more sense of it than he could. Because generally Tony was good at doing that sort of thing. Keeping Clay tethered to reality.

‘ _Why didn’t you tell me Clay?_

_I’m here for you, always, don’t ever forget that. Don’t ever think your alone and have to Clay Jensen your way through everything.'_

He paused, in thought.

_'Tell me something right now that I could do for you, that you think would help yourself, the trial anything Clay. I’ll help. Always._ ’

 

Clay hadn’t thought Tony would react the way he did. It always came as a surprise which was one of the reasons he liked Tony all the more.

His mind flicked back to his conversation with Jess earlier that morning and the postcard framed on her mirror.

**“To Nancy, Love Sid”**.

 

It had to be Justin.

Maybe if they could find him and bring him to court, he could testify too? Maybe he’d help Jess talk about the night of the party. Maybe just maybe he was the key to straighten out this fucked up story.

 

‘ _Could we go downtown? I think I know where Justin is, he could really help the case Tony. I really think he’s worth a shot. It would… It might help a lot._ ’

_‘Of course Clay_ ’

And with that no questions asked, Tony pulled out of where he was parked and started to drive.

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	21. Do You Believe In Happy Endings Or The Mending's Of Human Hearts?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It had taken a while to find Justin amid the dossers on the street, homeless and looking every bit like a street rat. 
> 
> Smelling like one too.   
> What was worse was having to hide the urchin at Clay’s home unbeknownst to his parents.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> huff my hands hurt xD
> 
> trying to get it all done asap.   
> like summarising the story is hard guys cause I need it to get to were I want the ending to be ugh @-@ 
> 
> song= Dad's Song - Set It Off

**Chapter 4/ Chapter 5** : Do you believe in Happy Endings Or The Mending's Of Human Hearts?

 

4 Marcus’ trial 5, Ryan’s Trial

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               It had taken a while to find Justin amid the dossers on the street, homeless and looking every bit like a street rat.

Smelling like one too.

What was worse was having to hide the urchin at Clay’s home unbeknownst to his parents.

 

On top of that he was also a heroin addict.

It took what?

A measly breakup with a few friends, a crack addict mum, and a deadbeat dealer for a step dad. Soon as he ran off he became a druggie!

 

Clay felt anything but sympathy for him, all that had been ruined for him was a relationship with a girl, a rapist friend and kicked out of a home that never loved him in the first place.

‘ _Where’s your apathy helmet! You’re such a sadist. He didn’t want any of this to happen and neither did you, so be softer on him would you?’_

Hannah sat disapprovingly next to the sleeping form on the couch surrounded in dried vomit and thermal covers.

_‘Maybe your harsh on him because we had a relationship that actually meant something, even if it was only for a while._ ’

As the hours dragged on, turning into days, Hannah had bullied Clay more and more about thoughts personal to him.

Being inside his head and all, she could access his fears and insecurities, it was like conditioning. He began to change the way he thought so she wouldn’t comment or make mean remarks about his opinions.

Hearing it out of her mouth and with her tone of voice really shook him.

She had become a nightmare.

Clay believed it was because of the trials, it was as if he barely knew her at all.

 

To no-one in particular, other, than Sheri who was babysitting the crack head junkie Clay announced

_‘I’m going out, be back later_ ’

She briefly glimpsed up from the magazine then resumed her reading. That was that then.

 

Tony couldn’t help because of his probation, Clay knew that, but it hurt that he wasn’t here. Time away from him really affect Clay’s moods, no one other that Tony Padilla could brighten Clays’ day.

No matter what state he was in, half dead or otherwise.

 

Walking out the front door, a piece of moving paper caught his attention. Attached to his windscreen wiper was another polaroid, flittering in the cool breeze.

This time the face was visible it was Bryce’s partner Chloe.

_**‘He Won’t Stop’** _

That was it, he needed to find out where this was happening.

 

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                  Marcus’ trial had begun that day.

Another poison, slowly suffocating Clay, boiling in his bloodstream.

The lies and lies that had been told in that courtroom. Justice and Oath meant nothing to his self-preservation bullshit. Protecting his dad’s campaign, no doubt.

The Dollar Valentine, the bet with Bryce even suggesting that she liked that creature. It was sickening, toxic, venomous.

The trial was killing Clay, his very soul diminishing with each witness that spewed more lies.

It was infuriating, enraging. The lies the injustice! Was no one human?

 

He wanted it all to be over, he wanted Hannah to be gone. He wanted to be happy in his own skin. To feel, to breathe to escape.

But he knew that none of it would happen until justice had been enacted.

It had been rather hilarious after Marcus’ trial to see pink paint exploded in his face, who knew by whom, but it did spark a little hope in Clay.

To see that someone took justice for the lies Marcus had said about Hannah.

Maybe there was hope after all.

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            Ryan’s trial had flown by just as fast, his testimony, so far, had done the least damage.

Clay knew about the poem so at least that wasn’t a painful revelation unlike the secret relationship between Hannah and Justin but even so Hannah had mentioned that sometime before.

Or did he just imagine that?

Either way Hannah had been quiet for a little while, and similarly Clays’ anger had abated somewhat too.

 

But finally, a distraction. It was movie night.

It felt a little weird because of the circumstances that were occurring but at the same time it was a nice break, from well everything.

Clay and Tony were lounging together on his bed, he had left Justin to himself, hoping that he could stay out of sight at least for this evening and out of mind as well. God knows Clay deserved a break from his teen drama and drug use.

Some action rom-com was playing on the screen, it was Tony’s choice tonight after all.

Clay wasn’t interested in the film, only that he was content and happy. His head resting on the shorter boy’s stomach rising and falling steadily with each breath that Tony took. His arm wrapped around Tony’s waist.

The soothing sensation rocked him into a blissful semi-conscious sleep, Clay was still aware of the noise and rattling gunfire pulsating from the laptops speakers, but he couldn’t care less.

Everything could just wait for a while.

For once he drifted off without stress or anger and wrapped in the arms of someone he knew he couldn’t live without. Perhaps the only person who he felt close too after everything that has happened.

Maybe it would be okay.

Consciousness slipped away from him.

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The ending credits woke Tony up, he'd fallen asleep during the movie too- oh well.

Neither boy had moved from their position. Tony hadn’t wanted to disturb his rest.

Probably the first full night of sleep both of them had, had without nightmares. He looked down at the lanky boy between his arms, breathing heavily. The Latino boy wondered what dimension he was in that made this possible in the first place.

_‘Mi Carino’_

He muffled into the boys’ hair, sliding the laptop of his thighs and wriggled down so Clay’s head rested under his collar bone.

Reality could wait.

Tony drifted asleep holding Clay close.


	22. Falling from high places, falling through lost spaces, Now that we're lonely, now that there's nowhere to go,

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yep getting there guys ^-^ whew
> 
> song - The wolves Ben Howard

Season 2 Chapter 6; Falling from high places, falling through lost spaces Now that we're lonely, now that there's nowhere to go 

6 Zach trial,

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                  A new day a new trial, Zach took the stand and told his truth to the jury, the judge and all those seated watching the trial unfold.

Clay’s world spun 360 degrees and tipped upside down, like a waltz rollercoaster.

That summer he went away,.

Why did he have to go away?

Everything, everything could have been different.

Zach wouldn’t have been Hannah’s first. Maybe even Clay could’ve been the one who began a genuine relationship.

Zach even mentioned after the trial he was half the reason Hannah wanted a connection like that.

 

Clay was devastated, a whole entire future constructed from that summer if he had stayed, played in his head.

What if she would be alive today?

What if Clay could have been in a serious relationship with her for more than that summer? She would’ve been alive if only Clay had connected with her in that way.

All because he visited his grandparents for his fucking summer holiday .

_‘It’s your fault Clay, you weren’t there. If you were we could’ve been together, I would be alive Clay._

_But because of you I’m dead. And now you’ll never have that chance._ ’

Hannah stated, her cold dead eyes glaring at him from the doorway.

 

_‘It’s not fair, she chose a relationship with him! I have no idea who she really is anymore? Did I even love the real Hannah Baker?’_

             Clay began muttering and pacing across his room kicking the skirting board and random objects strewn in his path.

He felt betrayed and unvalued.

‘ _Dude come on be serious, Hannah sleeps with one guy, has a crush on another, and suddenly, you have no idea who she is? That’s ridiculous. I’ve slept with loads of women and no one cares about it ,if anything they'e jealous._ ’ 

    Justin tried talking sense into the teen but it was clear that the trials were shaking things up a lot more than he suspected.

_‘ It wasn’t even mentioned in the first tapes, I thought I knew her but even Zach knew her better than I ever would…_

_She was perfect. To me she was. I didn’t want her to be anyone else than who she was already, but she wasn’t really any of that…. Were you?’_

       He looked shamefully at the doorway where she stood lounging on the frame and looking bored of his petty drama.

Just at that moment Sheri came running up the stairs.

_‘hey Clay'_

Clay snapped out from his train of thought. ' _Hi Sheri'._

' _Guess what I just found out, you know the polaroid’s? Yeah? I think it has something to do with the Clubhouse. You know the one mentioned in Hannah’s poem? I think it’s called the Clubhouse and its in the school. I don’t know where though’_

 

She looked over too Justin.

_‘Feeling any better?’_

_‘In a physical way or?...._ ’ He smirked.

_‘Yeah im good, thanks for helping me out there_ ’

He paused, coming to a sudden realisation.

_‘Shit Clay, you know you thought I was locked out? I wasn’t some guy broke in here and looked through your stuff man, he didn’t take a thing, but it freaked me the fuck out.’_

Clay looks at him astounded, looked over at Sheri then back again .

‘ _Did you see what he looked like or….? Or where he was looking? Shit.’_

 

_‘It has to be one of the Jocks fucking with us, it has to be. Jess told me the other day that both her and Courtney were threatened before the trial. They don’t have any idea who though._ ’

Sheri sounded silently worried and manic that this mysterious silencer would do more than just scare.

 

The three of them sat in silence for a while considering the next plan of action, until Clay’s window was shoved open and a head and shoulders appeared out of nowhere.

The sudden movement making a loud bang.

‘ _Fuck me_ ’

Clay whipped around to see Tony climbing in through the window, his small frame easily fitting through the narrow gap.

_‘Is that a request novio?’_

He smirked.

Clay breathed a sigh of relief and turned back to the others.

 

‘ _What Clay you better not be having a party without me are you?_ ’

His mother pushed open the door and looked around to see everyone on edge. Seeing the tension she diffused her interruption by suggesting;

_‘Justin you hungry? bacon sarnie’s downstairs for any takers.’_

 

_‘Oh hi Mrs. Jensen I was just leaving, talk to you later Clay’_

Sheri nodded to the rest of the group and left down the stairs.

‘ _Actually I am kind of hungry, I’ll leave you two to it’_ Justin followed Sheri and Lainie downstairs as Clay went to shut the door, Hannah had disappeared too.

 

‘ _Way too many people in one room, kind of suffocating._ ’

He turned around to be enveloped in a hug from Tony.

Slightly tense from the sudden contact, Clay slowly eased into his embrace. Nosing into the shorter boy’s slicked back hair which no matter how clean always smelt of oil and grease from working on the Mustang.

‘ _You okay_?’ Clay asked.

Tony seemed to hug him all the more.

_‘Okay your kind of crushing me right now, save that for the boxing’_

He felt the Latino boy smirk into his shirt.

 

‘ _Its just, its your Trial tomorrow. And I know what you’re going to say but it is a big deal, and I want you to know I’ll be there for you. No matter what shit comes out okay._ ’

Tony’s dark brown eyes meet the sparkling blue grey mist of Clay’s own as a silent conversation was had; about the pain he knew it would cause; the memories that would resurface; and the constant turmoil and regret that will be felt.

‘ _I know’_

Was the only response Clay gave before he captured Tony’s lips with his own.

Heartfelt and chaste but the meaning was clear.

 

‘ _Um hello boys?’_

Clay’s father stood in what previously had been the closed door, clearly confused as to what he had just witnessed.

‘ _Why doesn’t anyone in this family knock! The open door rule was abolished ages ago’_

 

Matt retreated wide eyed and closed the door with a firm resounding click, footsteps thundering downstairs. Clay head-butted Tony’s shoulder in defeat.

Meanwhile the Puerto Rican just chuckled to himself.

 

‘ _Oh this is going to be good.’_

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	23. You Loving On The psychopath Siting Next To You, You Loving On The Murderer Sitting Next To You. You Think How Did I Get Here Siting Next To You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Until now Clay had believed he wouldn’t have a chance to testify in the trial and the anger and failure he felt, feeling unable to help and get Justice for Hannah.
> 
> Now he wished he didn’t.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter but next are kinda chunky,
> 
> Song - Heathens (All my friends are) by TOP

Chapter 7: You Loving on the psychopath siting next to you, you loving on the murderer sitting next to you. You Think how did I get here siting next to you. 

7 Clay trial

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             Until now Clay had believed he wouldn’t have a chance to testify in the trial and the anger and failure he felt, feeling unable to help and get Justice for Hannah.

Now he wished he didn’t.

 

It had been one of the greatest nights of Clay’s life, his friends together happy and uncaring, most importantly alive.

Even after Jeff had left and they were alone.

The Molly doing most of the talking for them but even still it was a pure memory that he had kept, reminding himself of what they had shared.

 

Until the lawyer shredded that to pieces too.

_‘And wasn’t it true that the morning after, when experiencing the lows of the drug she admitted to everyone had they ever thought of wanting to die?_

_Inferring that she too was thinking about this at that time_ ’

 

It was true.

Clay remembered the pain he saw looking into her eyes, and he had ignored it.

Why had he ignored it?

 

He looked over at Hannah who was sat in the Jury, a pained expression etched on her face.

‘ _Why didn’t you help Clay? You were the only one, you saw and you didn’t help. Why?_ ’

 

The defendant re iterated _‘Clay, was that true’_

He glanced back at the laywer.

Her vicious smile and deceiving, spiteful mouth that turned his treasured memories to stone. The stone fragments of bliss also crumbled away like a tumbleweed in the desert.

_‘Yes’_

He missed Jeff and Hannah and especially that night where everything felt like it was going to be okay, it had changed so quickly.

Was the hope drunk?

Or was it just the drugs?

 

After the trial, Clay felt soulless and empty. He had never felt so responsible for Hannah’s death than he was today.

Burning from an emptiness that could only be filled by the ghostly presence of his friends. But he hadn’t seen them in so long.

Maybe they had left him too.

 

_Everyone leaves…_

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               He walked home, or in a direction that would take him anywhere; away from the courthouse and its suffocating aura.

He spied through the lounge window Justin and his parents, watching a movie and eating popcorn; laughing.

He paused to study their faces, each unconcerned, happy. 

And he wasn’t there.

 

His family could be happy without him here.

Without him.

 

Unlocking the door silently and stalking upstairs, he escaped to his room without interference.

Hannah was lying on his bed, looking at the posters on his ceiling.

Clay ignored her.

 

He checked the court blog, what had people been saying about his testimony? Nothing remotely nice.

Clay swivelled in his chair facing the apparition on his bed.

‘ _Why did you even leave the tapes Hannah? They’ve hurt so many people, did you even think about that or was it just enacting revenge?’_

 

She sat up and joined him, looking over his shoulder to read the comments and sighed at what she saw.

‘I _wanted to tell my story Clay, I wanted people to know what had happened to me, so it wouldn’t happen again.’_

 

‘ _Well sorry to say Hannah but you don’t get a choice anymore, you’re dead_ ’.

 

He left a comment on the blog **#Justice4Hannah** , including files containing the tapes from Lainie’s work computer.

_‘The truth will come out, now everyone will know your story Hannah.’_

_I mean that's what you wanted all this time right?'_

 

She looked at him stunned.

He was done with the lies, maybe if everyone sat and listened to her story, like he had all that time ago, they would understand to.

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	24. Chapter 24

**Season 2 Chapter 8: All we Know Is Time, Slipping Through Our Lives, A World That Kept The Truth, Hidden In The Lies, Standing On A Stage, Bleeding Out Our Youth**

 Song= BVB – Wake Up

 

_Hannah’s dad on trial •_

_Chapter 8_

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                 It was Mr. and Mrs. Bakers trial, enough said.

His infidelity with Valerie came out in court among other things which sadly was the least drama going on through the trial.

And Olivia's family history of mental health problems were also brought up by the lawyer, pinning Hannah’s mental illness on her mother.

It wasn’t just genetic Olivia knew that, but even so; they felt guilty.

 

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        After the backlash of everyone finally listening to Hannah’s tapes had died down, Clay went back to school.

His parents knew of course that it had been him, even so he wasn’t given as much grief over it than he had originally assumed.

 

He was half way through third period when his mobile went off.

The teacher looked up from her desk, scanning the rows of pupils before her, her beady eyes scrutinising each individual. Seeing the caller ID was his mum, Clay began to panic.

He looked over at the teacher, meeting her foul glance with relative ease.

_‘Sorry I’ve got to take this’_

 

       Quickly he grabbed his stuff and made for the door; clutching his phone.

The teacher made no attempts to stop him, resigned to the fact that students at Liberty High would always defy the staff and school policy in general.

 

      Waiting outside the doors of the entrance hall he picked up the call.

‘ _Hey mom, what’s up’?_  

 

_‘Honey I was going to come to the school, but couldn’t get out of work,_

_It’s Justin honey…_

_Matt found him at home…_

 

 _He, he Over Dosed, choked on..on…_ ’

 

She sniffled into the receiver, as Clay stood dumbstruck.

They Detoxed him, he was clean?

He wasn’t using…

 

He wasn’t using, until he did.

 

Lainie sputtered into the speaker.

‘ _Matt couldn’t wake him up, I’m so sorry Clay. The ambulance pronounced him DOA (Dead On Arrival).’_

_‘If you want I’ll call the school, let you go early, so you can come home?....’_

_A pause.._

_‘_ _Clay?’_

 

What does he say?

How much Justin meant to him?

Sure he become a large part of Clay’s life, living with him and everything. But Clay felt bored.

Numb.

 

It was getting bad again.

He glanced around the student parking spying Tony’s red mustang parked under the blossom tree.

 

‘ _Mom I’ll… I…_

 _I’m going to talk to Tony. We might be back in a bit then._ ’

 

Lainie made an affirmative noise, Clay hung up.

He fired of a text to the Latino boy.

**Meet me in the parking lot.**

**Please.**

* _Seen_ *

 

Clay meanwhile, had stumbled over to his boyfriends’ car. Slumping onto the base of the tree trunk behind the red hood that gleamed in the sunlight.

 

Clay stared fixatedly at the ground between his feet.

A few minutes passed.

He heard the footsteps approach but didn’t look up.

‘ _Hey Clay’_

The taller boy breathed out a sigh of relief, Tony was here. He could help. He’d know what do to.

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        Tony knew Clay had released the tapes. It had to have been him, Tony wasn’t surprised as such; but it was Clays’ mind-set that he was worried about.

How far had the trials set back his healing?

Would he open up to Tony or would he shut out everyone again until the last minute…

Or would he be too late this time…

He couldn’t bare to dwell on the thought.

 

So, when he received a text from his boyfriend, Tony immediately ditched class to be by his side.

 Judging by Clay's posture and general appearance it was easy to tell something had happened.

' _Hey Clay'_

Tony perched himself beside his friend.

' _My mum just called... Justin's dead, he OD'd._

_Choked on his own vomit'_

 

That was not the information he was expecting.

_'Shit'_

What now?

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	25. I’M sorry I Missed Your Call, I Wasn’t There for You At All, And If I Thought It Through, Maybe If I’d Answered You, That You’d Still Be Here All Along

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song - – Falling In Reverse, Brother   
> such a sad song >W<
> 
> Guys its like so close to like the main drama lmao.
> 
> Plus this chapter was like sooooooo long omg xd

**Chapter 9 : I’M sorry I Missed Your Call I Wasn’t There for You AT All, And If I Thought It Through Maybe If I’d Answered You, That You’d Still Be Here All Along**

–

_ FIR Brother •  _

_ Porter Trial ( Not really relevant casue he left in this AU but just for Plot I guess) xD _

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       After the initial news of Justin’s death Clay and Tony had gone back to Jensen’s home, they sat together in silence around the kitchen table.

A mug of steaming dark Brazilian for Tony and a black coffee for Clay. Alone for the while, both Clay’s parents had gone to sought out the law side of the Jocks funeral.

They sat in companionable silence for what felt like an eternity.

 _‘It will end Clay. I know it doesn’t feel like it right now but it will end and we’ll both come out of this together okay_.’

_‘Together and stronger and eventually happy’_

 Clay wasn't sure if he was saying this to himself or in general but his reassuring words were soothing and optimistic.

 

The front door opened.

      Only one voice called from the front door.

_‘I’m home.’_

‘ _In here Mr. Jensen_ ’ Tony called.

      The resounding footsteps carried on through the hallway and into the kitchen.

_‘Matt, please. You’re part of the family now.’_

   He smiled caringly towards the shorter boy and gestured his head towards Clay.

Clay was currently staring into the darkest depths of his coffee mug, watching the darkness swirl around its rim. The steam rising, making his eyes squint and vision blurry.

 Matt sat at the table, his fingers twiddling, the digits rolling over one another in hesitation and discomfort.

 _‘Listen Clay… Your mum, Lainie needs a break from, all of this_ ’ He gestured wildly around the room.

‘ _She’s gone to stay with her sister a little while, just until things die down a little you know._ ’

    He looked sympathetically towards his son, waiting for a response.

Clueless as to what to do, Clay got up from the table. Coffee abandoned on the desolate round wooden furniture.

Looking over at Tony then back at the retreating Clay, Mr. Jensen said

 _‘Give him a minute, clear his head’._ Tony nodded in agreement.

 

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        Running into his room and slamming the door, he nearly fell into Hannah; who was stood in the middle of his room.

Everyone leaves.

Clay was angry, nothing had been achieved in the trials. Hannah wasn’t getting justice. He hadn’t found the location where the polaroid’s were taken.

And his life was unravelling.

Tearing at the seams.

Nothing was easy.

Everything was hard. He wasn’t in control. He couldn’t control anything. Clay felt powerless.

He realised during this time that Hannah had been talking to him, only now listening to what she was saying enraged him even more.

They were arguing, having a shouting match, which he realised made no sense because she wasn’t even real.

Clay began shaking violently with fury. _‘You’re not even here! You’re dead so just get out would you! GET THE FUCK OUT!_ ’

As she left Tony came in.

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       Tony and Matt were sat downstairs, in a silence that bordered awkward until the shouting started. They shared a knowing look. With a deep and pained sigh Tony began to leave the table in search of comforting Clay.

‘ _You’re not even here, you’re dead…. Get the fuck out’_ Boomed from upstairs.

Matt mumbled under his breath

 _’He’s getting worse isn’t he._ ’

Tony turned and looked towards the stairs, took a deep shaky breath, and continued up the staircase.

He nudged open the door, ready to be pounced on, only to be greeted by an empty room.

The window open and the blinds billowed in the evening breeze.

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       Clay was already on his bike and pedalling away from the house by the time that Tony’s figure appeared by his bedroom window. Gathering distance away from his boyfriend every second that passed.

   The road kept on winding, in a never-ending pattern. Up inclines and speeding down hills, the continuous movement was refreshing.

 

A headlight from a car glared ahead of him, whooshing past. Only to hear its brakes squeal against the unforgiving tarmac.

The jeep circled back, barrelling towards Clay.

It wasn’t Tony. And it wasn’t stopping.

Suddenly the machine swerved towards him.

 

        Abandoning his bike in a ditch effort, Clay leapt from the saddle, hurtling over the barricade and out of the path of the thundering vehicle. Rolling onto his side and wincing as his head made contact with a heavy, solid rock.

   Turning to see the retreating car, its red brake lights disappearing into the horizon. Clay picked himself up and started to trek back home.

 

He wasn’t bleeding.

Nothing was broken.

He was alone, it was okay. Just a little shaken, but intact. 

Who was that?

 

The lights were off by the time he got back, throwing his bike to the ground. Yet again it hadn’t survived through the hit and run. He was just relieved to be somewhere safe and enclosed at last.

    Swanning up the stairs, he noticed his door was ajar. Pushing it open he saw Tony sprawled on top of the sheets. Fully clothed and snoring slightly into the pillow.

 He had waited for Clay to come back.

Turning of the lamplight beside him and changing his muddied clothes for some comfier pyjamas, the taller boy scooted into the bed beside his best friend. Burying his face into the crook of the shorter boys’ neck.

Willing himself to sleep through till morning at least.

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The next morning, he had been beyond grateful to wake up and look over to see, who he was sharing his bed with. Clay wouldn’t want it any other way.

      Clay had begun to wonder who it was the ran him off the road as he sat and ate breakfast alongside his father and Tony.

  

    Tony had taken one look at Clay’s bike and couldn’t stop himself from smiling, he’d fix it later.

 

     The drive to school had been mundane and uneventful, news about Justin’s death hadn’t reached the school news yet; everyone was still hooked on the “Hannah Baker” story.

    Clay had been called in for the period that he missed the day before, saying it was a ‘mental health day’ as well as that the principal had mentioned to Clay that he knew it was the student’s fault for releasing the tapes.

      It was also the day where Clay had gym, the first time he had done Gym since well… Before the break.

 It had been difficult at first, changing in the locker room.

      The scars had faded but he still felt their presence beneath his skin. Tony had looked over at him in reassurance, Clay got changed as quickly as he could.

      Long distance was still not the easiest, so he spent most of it doing sit-ups and dodging flying balls. By the time it had finished, and everyone had changed and left the locker room Clay began to feel better for having had the exercise and looked down at his arms and legs.

 Finally seeing a difference their all along, he was barely scarred anymore. He wasn’t in pain, Clay was euphoric.

 

And just like that his world became dark. A bag had been thrown over his head. He struggled against the grip of the unknown attacker.

   Panicking under the material, squirming out of their grip.

                  He couldn’t breathe.

       Clay was violently shoved forward against the cool tiles of the floor.

 

                         _He was in an alley._

_   Bryce was there._

 

    A kick rained down from above him, striking his jaw, and another, then another. Too many. There were too many boots…

  More than one person. Just as soon as it had happened they fled again.

       Absorbed in shock, the adrenaline pulsing through his veins, head spinning like a windmill.

 Until finally it settled still, he threw the bag from of his head and breathed. Gulping in air like a fish out of water. The familiar ache of his ribs. The pain, it all came rushing back to him. Bryce.

Bryce.

    Clay struggled to grip onto reality, slipping back into his painful, torturous memories.

    Bryce’s bedroom…. The alley...

    The months he could barley breathe because of that bastard, the lack of sleep, the food he could no longer eat. All because of one, pathetic, human.

    Clay struggled upwards, stumbling outside. He floated over to his next class, barely present. The alternative solutions and strategies class the principal wanted him to attend Tyler and Cyrus were their too.

     When the bell went to announce the end of the day Clay couldn’t be any happier. He all but shot out of class, bumping into both Tyler and Cyrus again.

_‘Hey Clay, about earlier… We’re planning on enacting some justice on our own if you want to join?’_

   Cyrus had sounded almost manic and frenzied at the though of vandalising the school, Clay was interested.

  Justice?

    That sounded thrilling and exactly what he had in mind for venting out some steam. After the day he had it sounded like a great idea.

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 They stood spray painting the field a morose black, Rapist stamped onto every border and side-line. The teen felt elated.

     Until a voice echoed from across the pitch. Quickly, all of them ducked down level to the grass and watched as some Baseball Jocks crossed the field and entered through a secret side gate in the perimeter fencing of the pitch.

  It could only be, the Clubhouse.

    The disappearing figures where sucked into the darkness and quiet resumed.

 _‘Shit, guys I’m sorry. I’ve got to go_ ’

    Both Tyler and Cyrus looked quizzical, but they let him leave returning to their intentions of arson and vandalism.

  Clay had to find Sheri. 

         He had found the Clubhouse.


End file.
